**Reminders** Poem of the Week, 5/13/07

[Spazway]

Winner: Poem of the Week: May 13, 2007


Reminders
by Spazway

Reminders
They are everywhere:
A food commercial on TV
A screensaver on the computer
Magnets on the fridge
Toys on the floor
A message on the answering machine
Announcing the arrival of a newborn.
Reminders.
Of a little girl’s dream
That will never see the light of day
Every reminder cuts like a knife
The pain so deep, so powerful
It steals my breath away
Knowing I will never feel the flutter
Of a new life within
Never experience late-night feedings
Or sleepless colicky nights
Never be called “Mommy”
Or “Nana” later on.
Reminders.
Fill me with guilt
For feeling the way I do:
Jealous and inadequate
Feelings of guilt consume me
Because I don’t appear to appreciate
The small ones that I do have in my life
Reminders
Of three little angels
Whom I love with all my heart
And who light up my life.
And yet they remind me
Of the child of my own
That I want one day
But will never have.


I really don't know what other forum this belongs in. This piece is 100% autobiographical and was more of a therapeutic write than anything else but I felt the need to share it so here it is. Feedback is always welcome.


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Admin note:
Nominated for Poem of the Week on 5/7/07

[heinzs]

Good start!

[jeannerené]

Sarah...

A extremely moving and powerful poem ...

...written with elegance and from a place deep within the heart...


...jeanne...

[nekot]

Beautiful, moving, and deep. I feel the pain and the longing.

I think it reads as a tribute to one that would be, but can't. And to all those in similar circumstances.


Question (if you don't mind)? If it is too personal, just say so.

Who are the 3 angels?

[Graeme]

This is beautifully written from the heart - so sad.

[Spazway]

Beautiful, moving, and deep. I feel the pain and the longing.

I think it reads as a tribute to one that would be, but can't. And to all those in similar circumstances.


Question (if you don't mind)? If it is too personal, just say so.

Who are the 3 angels?

I'm sure that my sister would disagree with me sometimes when I call them "angels" but they're my 2 nephews (Gavin, age 2 1/2 and Christian, age 8) and my niece (Katelyn, age 6). I sometimes feel as though I don't appreciate them enough, hence these lines:

Because I don’t appear to appreciate
The small ones that I do have in my life

[Spazway]

Thank you all for your replies to this piece. It was probably one of the hardest poems I've ever written.

[nekot]

I cried again reading your responses Sarah. I hope in some future life your desire is somehow granted.....and you can run in fields of wild flowers and soft clover laughing and turning cartwheels together.

[Spazway]

Thanks, Nekot.

For the most part, I'm okay with the fact that I can't have children...it just gets a little hard to deal with when a friend (or in the case of what triggered this poem, a close family member) has a baby. I just have to take a deep breath and remember to thank God for the children He has brought into my life and to enjoy those times with them. (Usually when I'm having a "moment" my sister will bring over one or all of her three kids and I'll have them for a couple of hours and by then I'm "cured" of my longing for the time being. I really don't have the energy or the patience a lot of the time, LOL)

[Spazway]

This one is hitting all too hard these days, hence the re-visit...to remind myself of what I do have in my life.