She calls me Verrazano
Moderator: bags123
She calls me Verrazano
They call her Staten Island
Naked envy in their eyes
She calls me Verrazano
Bridge the gulf between her thighs
I call her Spanish Harlem
Brownstone beauty of the slums
Belleza de la calle
Something sinful this way comes
- HSWIV
Naked envy in their eyes
She calls me Verrazano
Bridge the gulf between her thighs
I call her Spanish Harlem
Brownstone beauty of the slums
Belleza de la calle
Something sinful this way comes
- HSWIV
- heinzs
- The Fat Cat
- Posts: 8419
- Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
- Tag line: Do no harm
- Location: Novato, CA
- Contact:
Re: She calls me Verrazano
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
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My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started
Re: She calls me Verrazano
Reminded me that there are some damn fine looking Puerto Rican women out there. Liked the urban flavor of this one Crooklyn. Chevarez!
I prefer to keep an open mind,....but not so much that my brains fall out.- Carl Sagan
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart
Poet of the Month
March 2011
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart
Poet of the Month
March 2011
Re: She calls me Verrazano
Thanks guys. And Bags, yeah, walking around Manhattan and Brooklyn in the summer is always a nice treat for the eyes.
Re: She calls me Verrazano
I'd still really appreciate some constructive criticism.
Re: She calls me Verrazano
Crooklyn wrote:I'd still really appreciate some constructive criticism.
Hi Crooklyn
I have some input.
This is a fine little poem, compact and effective.,
Only one thing, Verrazano doesn't mean anything to me ? I looked it up.
I think the reason you're not getting any response to your request for critique is that there are no changes to be made to make the poem flow better, mean more, to refine your point etc.
"You leapt into the abyss, but find, It only goes up to your knees"... Nick Cave
Re: She calls me Verrazano
Thanks so much man for the response. The Verrazano bridge is a HUGE bridge in NY, it was the longest bridge in the world for many years.
- heinzs
- The Fat Cat
- Posts: 8419
- Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
- Tag line: Do no harm
- Location: Novato, CA
- Contact:
Re: She calls me Verrazano
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started
Re: She calls me Verrazano
Yup, it meant something to me after I looked it up. I was just commenting, certainly not a criticism.
when I found out what it meant I smiled.
This is great.
"You leapt into the abyss, but find, It only goes up to your knees"... Nick Cave
- heinzs
- The Fat Cat
- Posts: 8419
- Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
- Tag line: Do no harm
- Location: Novato, CA
- Contact:
Re: She calls me Verrazano
I liked it, too. Couldn't find anything in it that I'd change.
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started
Re: She calls me Verrazano
While this is very nice the way it is, I, personally thought it would make an excellent longer poem. Do you have anything more you could add to it? hugs, catie :)
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