She calls me Verrazano

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Crooklyn
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She calls me Verrazano

Post by Crooklyn » Wed Apr 23, 2008 12:28 pm

They call her Staten Island
Naked envy in their eyes
She calls me Verrazano
Bridge the gulf between her thighs

I call her Spanish Harlem
Brownstone beauty of the slums
Belleza de la calle
Something sinful this way comes

- HSWIV

:critique:

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heinzs
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Re: She calls me Verrazano

Post by heinzs » Fri Jun 27, 2008 6:43 pm

:lol: :lol:
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bags123
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Re: She calls me Verrazano

Post by bags123 » Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:05 pm

Reminded me that there are some damn fine looking Puerto Rican women out there. Liked the urban flavor of this one Crooklyn. Chevarez! :cool:
I prefer to keep an open mind,....but not so much that my brains fall out.- Carl Sagan
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart


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Crooklyn
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 45
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2008 1:34 pm
Location: Connecticut

Re: She calls me Verrazano

Post by Crooklyn » Thu Jul 31, 2008 11:28 am

Thanks guys. And Bags, yeah, walking around Manhattan and Brooklyn in the summer is always a nice treat for the eyes.

Crooklyn
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Re: She calls me Verrazano

Post by Crooklyn » Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:35 pm

I'd still really appreciate some constructive criticism.

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Mightfall
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Re: She calls me Verrazano

Post by Mightfall » Tue Aug 28, 2012 10:40 pm

Crooklyn wrote:I'd still really appreciate some constructive criticism.

Hi Crooklyn

I have some input.

This is a fine little poem, compact and effective.,

Only one thing, Verrazano doesn't mean anything to me ? I looked it up.


I think the reason you're not getting any response to your request for critique is that there are no changes to be made to make the poem flow better, mean more, to refine your point etc.
"You leapt into the abyss, but find, It only goes up to your knees"... Nick Cave

Crooklyn
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Location: Connecticut

Re: She calls me Verrazano

Post by Crooklyn » Sun Sep 16, 2012 2:39 am

Thanks so much man for the response. The Verrazano bridge is a HUGE bridge in NY, it was the longest bridge in the world for many years.

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heinzs
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Re: She calls me Verrazano

Post by heinzs » Sun Sep 16, 2012 10:21 am

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An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
Image
***************************************
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Mightfall
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Re: She calls me Verrazano

Post by Mightfall » Mon Sep 17, 2012 6:21 am


Yup, it meant something to me after I looked it up. I was just commenting, certainly not a criticism.

when I found out what it meant I smiled.

This is great.
"You leapt into the abyss, but find, It only goes up to your knees"... Nick Cave

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heinzs
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Re: She calls me Verrazano

Post by heinzs » Mon Sep 17, 2012 11:39 am

I liked it, too. Couldn't find anything in it that I'd change.

:thumbsup:
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An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
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***************************************
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CatieRose
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Re: She calls me Verrazano

Post by CatieRose » Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:19 am

While this is very nice the way it is, I, personally thought it would make an excellent longer poem. Do you have anything more you could add to it? hugs, catie :)

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