Submerged
The site of Babylon has turned to dust
Coarse desert wind obliterates the names
Of kings who felt remembered for all time
Their ancient bones decayed, under the land
Where once her gardens hung upon the walls
And flowers filled the air with dense perfume
While caravans from places we forgot
Great Persia, Lebanon, or Samarkand.
Arrived through gates the Gods themselves designed
Well built in muddy brick, by human need
Before it was consumed by history
Submerged,… and buried deeply by the sand
Submerged
Moderator: bags123
Re: Submerged
Well written! Somewhat reminiscent of Shelley's Ozymandias. Allot of people who may like older poetry don't like Shelley...but I'm not one of them. He just wasn't a nice guy. So what else is new.
Re: Submerged
Thanks Bruno. I"m more of a Byron kind of guy,....but I don't dislike Shelly. He was ahead of his time in many respects.
I prefer to keep an open mind,....but not so much that my brains fall out.- Carl Sagan
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart
Poet of the Month
March 2011
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart
Poet of the Month
March 2011
- pencil pusher
- Clearwater Poet
- Posts: 34
- Joined: Tue Jan 18, 2011 3:09 pm
- Location: UK
Re: Submerged
I like this very much..it is very evocative and descriptive. There are however a couple of things which jumped out at me..
First one, just a nitpicky thing is 'course'.... i think, of course, you meant 'coarse'?
And secondly, just my take on it but to me 'Submerged' implies a watery theme? You may want to consider an adjective more relative to being buried?
Otherwise, very nice!
First one, just a nitpicky thing is 'course'.... i think, of course, you meant 'coarse'?
And secondly, just my take on it but to me 'Submerged' implies a watery theme? You may want to consider an adjective more relative to being buried?
Otherwise, very nice!
Come and visit once in a while: http://wordsasunder.wordpress.com
Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves.
Rudyard Kipling
Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves.
Rudyard Kipling
Re: Submerged
Why of course I meant coarse. Thanks for catching that for me. As far as "submerged", I'll claim poetic license.pencil pusher wrote:I like this very much..it is very evocative and descriptive. There are however a couple of things which jumped out at me..
First one, just a nitpicky thing is 'course'.... i think, of course, you meant 'coarse'?
And secondly, just my take on it but to me 'Submerged' implies a watery theme? You may want to consider an adjective more relative to being buried?
Otherwise, very nice!
I prefer to keep an open mind,....but not so much that my brains fall out.- Carl Sagan
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart
Poet of the Month
March 2011
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart
Poet of the Month
March 2011
-
- Melpomenes Heiress
- Posts: 552
- Joined: Wed May 05, 2010 9:49 am
- Location: My Ocean of Dreams
- Contact:
Re: Submerged
nicely written bags... a beautiful piece to come back and read... love the strong imagery and the way you let the memories drift away through the poem like the sand.
Re: Submerged
Thanks Jady. Welcome back. We've missed you're input. Hope you're feeling better.
I prefer to keep an open mind,....but not so much that my brains fall out.- Carl Sagan
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart
Poet of the Month
March 2011
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart
Poet of the Month
March 2011
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