The Probably Lousy Ballad of the Insecure Man

[gordy]

The Probably Lousy Ballad of the Insecure Man

I just don't understand your wicked ways
you show up even on the very good day
always uninvited and I hate being your slave
Jealousy

You wreak havoc on common sense
you have no boundaries, you have no fence
reason can't contain you, it's no defense
Jealousy

Good intentions don't mean a thing
you turn the innocent to the obscene
I hate you so, you sicken me
Jealousy

"What if" is what you feed upon
I think "what if he were just gone"
but it's nothing but you who leads me on
Jealousy

I try to put the fire out
yet you feed the flames with fear and doubt
I cannot quench your rude shrill shout
Jealousy

They say envy and greed are your kin
and you have hard green scaly skin
but I know your soul is dark black within
Jealousy

You rifle through my thoughts and dreams
sowing false seeds of insecurity
fertilized with unfounded fears unseen
Jealousy

Rage where there should be no rage
I feel confined without a cage
my story has you scribbled on each page
Jealousy

Your evil embrace I cannot slip
I squirm and grovel in your thorny grip
I loathe the sting of your poison whip
Jealousy

Overkill it seems at times
having seven sins of the deadly kind
at your hand alone a daily death I die
Jealousy

Of course you can't take all the blame
Your cohorts include both "pride and shame"
But the leading culprit , should we name?
Yes, call him "jealous me"

[bags123]

I've read through this several times Gordo,... and honestly,....I'm not sure where you're going with this one. Perhaps some explanation might illuminate me more?

[gordy]

it's basically about "jealousy" and how it can eat at you and ruin perfectly good intentions.....to tell you the truth i kind of wrote it to the tune of "jolene" by dolly parton.....lol.....it is a serious poem though, i actually hate when someone is doing something good for someone and i get jealous and envious....so i thought i would write it out....hope that helps......if you have any suggestions to make it better let me know....one thing i am thinking might not be clear is the "He" in the fourth stanza . it is not refering to jealousy but in fact to the person or thing that i am jealous of. the ending is just my way of saying that at the end of the day i have myself really to blame ..........well again , i hope that helps, i rather like this one but those are usually the ones no one else does....hahahaha

[bags123]

i actually hate when someone is doing something good for someone and i get jealous and envious....

Why would you get jealous over someone doing something good for someone?

[gordy]

it's a long story

[Mightfall]

It was clearer with the explanation, and I get the why you can be jealous of someone doing good.

Now this is just my opinion expressed raw
The jealousy, aside from overdoing a bit on the repetition, breaks the power of the words preceding it, it kills any reading rythm and interrupts the story line.

I would like to know what others think about that though, certainly that could just be what it does when I read it, it could be driving it home for others...

That said, not sure where the word should live, cause the title is great.

The Probably Lousy Ballad of the Insecure Man

Jealousy

I just don't understand your wicked ways
you show up even on the very good day
always uninvited and I hate being your slave

You wreak havoc on common sense
you have no boundaries, you have no fence
reason can't contain you, it's no defense

Good intentions don't mean a thing
you turn the innocent to the obscene
I hate you so, you sicken me

"What if" is what you feed upon
I think "what if he were just gone"
but it's nothing but you who leads me on

I try to put the fire out
yet you feed the flames with fear and doubt
I cannot quench your rude shrill shout

They say envy and greed are your kin
and you have hard green scaly skin
but I know your soul is dark black within

You rifle through my thoughts and dreams
sowing false seeds of insecurity
fertilized with unfounded fears unseen

Rage where there should be no rage
I feel confined without a cage
my story has you scribbled on each page

Your evil embrace I cannot slip
I squirm and grovel in your thorny grip
I loathe the sting of your poison whip

Overkill it seems at times
having seven sins of the deadly kind
at your hand alone a daily death I die

Of course you can't take all the blame
Your cohorts include both "pride and shame"
But the leading culprit , should we name?
Yes, call him "jealous me"

[gordy]

well, your way doesn't work atall to the tune of "jolene" however it does seem to work both ways for me.....i need to maybe work on it a little more i suppose.......thank you very much for your honest opinion and your time

[gordy]

i actually hate when someone is doing something good for someone and i get jealous and envious....

Why would you get jealous over someone doing something good for someone?

if said person takes the time to help someone out who really needs it but it takes them away from you for long periods of time then you might get jealous.......it certainly is a dilemma

[bags123]

i actually hate when someone is doing something good for someone and i get jealous and envious....

Why would you get jealous over someone doing something good for someone?

if said person takes the time to help someone out who really needs it but it takes them away from you for long periods of time then you might get jealous.......it certainly is a dilemma

Under certain circumstances,...with certain people mind you,...I can empathize with what you're saying,....but rarely.

[BeeJay]

Your poem reminds me of Hafiz The Poet but I cant quite place it. But then it is these little uncertainties that make us read something a couple of times. ____BeeJay

[gordy]

belated thanks lonnie

[gordy]

[negatvone]

I had to read all the reeplies before I commented, All Aces Gordy.

[gordy]

thanks jim