Carndo (Bill Whitehorn)

[carndo]

That Place Of No Return

To raise that white fist in anger,
Only to meet the world in fury,
Why ?
I seek to understand,
But only to fail,
I hear that hypocrite
who bashes those who are weaker,
Who won't defend themselves,
Bully !!
Raise your voice to me,
Push me once again,
You'll find yourself
in that bloodied, battered
position
and find yourself as victim,
I hear that voice,
It enrages me
to the point of no return,
Somehow I must reach
that shadow...
and face it,
Before it consumes me,
And I meet
that place of no return.

[carndo]

This Is Not The End


One day as you stand on your pedestal
there will come a time
that you'll get yours,
Somehow you'll make a mistake,
You'll forget my inconvenience,
Those troubles that you've caused,
I....
on the other hand
will survive,
Maybe one day circumstances will change
and in your clumsiness
I might return the favor,
All I asked was to be left alone,
But in your dreams of grandeur
you denied my request,
Why ?
Couldn't you leave an old soul his peace ?
Or was that too much trouble ?
Must you prance in your illusions of power ?
Deny what freedom I had
for the price of a cup of coffee ?
On those nights when I needed understanding
not annoyance,
And I asked for so little,
Yet in your arrogance
my heart touches in rage,
But somehow
this is not the end.

[carndo]

Complete In its Evolution


Voices touching in the wind
braced gracefully in the horizon
wherein the angels call
and in their silence
songs fill the air,
Can we bear
that intonation ?
Resolved only in the distance
wherein a question is asked...
Why ?
A dark echo is sheltered by sorrow
forever leaving an emptiness,
And in the undertow
a single voice
grave in its symmetry,
Sheltered by pain,
That wild passion
complete in its evolution.

[carndo]

To Feel Thy Fury


To feel thy fury
in thy pain
and touch the rage
least wherein
sure in the silence
that whispers
in thy need,
Pierced in daggers,
Cut....
Bleeding...
Exasperated....
Frustrated...
Enraged beyond measure by measure,
Awakened to the surrounding
happenings,
Yet...
somehow lost,
Those tears caught in between,
Touched by an emotion
completed by the heart,
Awakened by the soul,
And in that very moment
an idea
is serrated,
Frightened
by that very thought,
Ingenious
in its beginning.

[carndo]

Faces Of Time


Shadows dancing,
Fading into the night
like memories haunted by the past,
Harkened by a voice,
Traces of images
touched by visions
varied into the moment,
For the faces of time
changes in a heartbeat,
Caged by fear,
And as you reach out
to face the very thing
that haunts those sleepless nights,
Somehow it disappears,
Never to be remembered,
And it catches you by surprise,
Still...
you wonder why ?

[carndo]

A Paradox Felt


Good, bad or indifferent
to perchance a whisper
pledged,
Hear the cries at night ?
How many times must the care
be realized ?
Validation
lost by the wind,
A paradox felt...
But something's gone...
Why ?
Could it be...
my imagination ?
I feel the cynic
provided
by a frustration
implied.

[carndo]

In This A Judgment Stands


A jester
laughing within the times
meanwhile
a silence touches
those places
revealed only in the shadows,

Darkness and light
fulfilled only in a completeness
within a soul
and I weep
for those who have been forgotten,

Can I help it
is a mirror reflects
the truth
beheld by the world ?
In this a judgment stands.

[carndo]

The Shadows Of My Heart

The shadows of my heart
rage in a ceaseless turmoil,
Passions on the edge
completing what some forget,
Look in my eyes,
Walk in my shoes,
Let my vision complete in full circle,
Laughter covers what stirs
like a cauldron simmering,
Absolution touches those
places where some fear to tread,
And I see...
what some refuse to believe,
Problem is...
No one seems to Listen
and allow joy to complete itself,
Why ?
Must something tragic
have to happen
for people to realize
What they have ?
Or do they things simply
for granted,
Never understanding,
Never realizing what's before them,
Oh what a waste !

[carndo]

Our Meeting


My mood....
my meter....
was not one you expected
and somehow you touched the violence in my soul,
I left...
because I did not have the patience
to put up with your abruptness,
My pain...
for followed those dark moods
best left alone,
So I...
isolated myself
from your presence,
Not intended for selfishness,
But peace of mind,
If I had to it all to do again
the results may have changed,
But in that time
where my eyes met yours,
It was not to be,
yet somehow
our meeting
is left unresolved.

[carndo]

I Should Have Listened

She came into my life
through her sister & a couple of friends of mine
Dani & Johnnie,
It was a birthday...
But the weather was getting nasty,
So the party moved to her parents house,
I met her washing dishes...
Denise was kind of sweet when I first met her,
She asked about me family,
The kind of questions that most just get acquainted with,
I was asked to join them for a family gathering,
on the 4th of July,
I was kind of excited,
It was the first woman that was interested in me in a long time,
So I made plans for that event,
When I got there...
circumstances changed,
What I wasn't told about was an over-bearing boyfriend
that Denise was trying to get away from,
And I was her excuse,
Though I didn't realise it at the time,
While we were there
we spent the night together a couple of times,
Somehow we grew close,
But her ex...was in the way,
And no he didn't take it too kindly
when he found out about me,
he even threatened to kill me,
At that point Denise had enough,
She broke it off with him,
She picked me !
I was thrilled !
But in private her sister & her sister's husband
tried to warn me about Denise's habits,
But I was too enthralled really listen,
I should have...
I really should have,
You see we became boyfriend & girlfriend,
And I got myself together & found a job at the Cortez cleaners,
Over time we had plans to move in together,
I introduced her to my close friends,
Even one that had consider me a mentor...
Justin Adams,
For the next 3 months I worked 9 hrs a day, 6 days a week,
When I wasn't working...
I was with Denise,
We even took her two kids with us,
It seemed that our family had just begun,
Then one day Denise & I gathered our friends together
to a local cafe,
Denise had a habit of daydreaming
and tell everyone about her dreams,
I didn't mind that too much
except this time,
You see she had put me & her ex-boyfriend
in one of her fantasies,
I became very uncomfortable & jealous in this situation,
I asked her to change the subject,
But she wouldn't,
She went on & on
until I became angry,
Then I left without thinking,
Embarrassing Denise greatly,
The following day I tried apologizing,
But Denise wouldn't talk to me,
I even tried catching her where she was staying
at a friends house,
I was beside myself...
I just couldn't understand,
Then when I was at the M&M truckstop
her girlfriend had to talk to me & tell me what was going on,
Denise & Justin had spent to night together,
Why me ?
And with my so called friend ?
It really didn't affect me until the following morning,
And then I was ready to do really something stupid,
But I had the presence of mind...
to talk to another friend Amber,
I came to Amber's house with tears in my eyes,
Amber immediately knew that there was something wrong,
What's going on ?
Let's go, take a ride & talk about it !
I told Amber what I had heard,
So let's go where Denise is & talk to her,
But I've got one problem,
If Justin comes out & causes problems
I'll break him in half
and probably go to jail,
Amber replied," No, you won't !
You stay in the car,
If Justin causes problems I'll take care of it myself !
Don't worry!"
So we go over,
Talk with Denise & Justin,
I'm hurt & I still don't understand why ?
Denise & I cross swords,
I break up with her,
Telling her what goes around
comes around,
And I'll be laughing when it comes to you.

[carndo]

Consideration

A friend had left a banquet of flowers
for another friend
who's time was near,
Basic training as coming,
It was left in my care,
But did that matter to some ?
No...
It wasn't the principle of the flowers
being giving away,
It was consideration,
But somehow that was lost,
To some...
I was going off,
To me...
my loyalty was at stake,
Sincerity at the heart,
Can't you see ?
Or does the storm have to hit you in the face
before the warning takes not ?
Think...

[carndo]

Lost Smiles

here are those who say
I'm a prisoner of dreams instead of life,
But I say
what is life without dreams ?
Some complain of reality
and reality has its place,
but where's the joy...
sheltered in the inner child ?
He whispers...
But some have forgotten to listen,
Why ?
And the sadness of this world
rages like a howling wolf,
Some become busy
just to become busy,
Forgetting those blessings
or taking them for granted
and lose those smiles
that we all need.

[carndo]

Betrayed

There you go
looking at me
with those big sad eyes,
Have you no shame ?
It won't work,
it was me that caught you,
And there I thought
that you cared,
You don't even know
what love is,
It's trust,
And I've been betrayed,
At first I felt sick,
Now all I feel is pain,
Why did you do this ?
I thought our love was strong,
But I guess it wasn't as strong as I thought,
What a fool I am !
Yes...
I've been betrayed,
Tears flow from my eyes
and a pain aches in my side,
I've thought over & over again...
Where did I go wrong ?
But I guess I'll never know,
Just do me one favor,
.....Go !....
No !
I can't even talk to you,
I've just been betrayed,
............ Yes,
Betrayed !!!

[carndo]

Brokenhearted Memories

Though I'm smiling on the outside,
Inside there's tears flowing,
You've shattered my dreams
like pieces of glass,
You've torn up my life,
And I'll never get it back together,
all I have are brokenhearted memories,
And what are they worth to me ?
Nothing !!!
I hope you're proud of yourself,
You've really done it this time !
What it took a lifetime to make...
you've completely destroyed,
What about the plans
we put together ?
Don't they mean anything at all ?
I guess not !
All I have are broken hearted memories,
Emptiness...
is what I feel now,
No feelings,
None at all,
Not even hate.
It's sad,
So sad,
I can't even bring myself to cry,
I guess...
all I have
are..
brokenhearted memories.

[carndo]

What Have You Proved?

Arrogance & immaturity,
Too much foolishness
in a dream of grandeur,
Too much pride,
Gotta play the tough man,
Put people down
to make yourself look better,
But why ?
It doesn't make sense,
Gotta have the last laugh,
Staring...
at something different,
and when everything is said & done,
What have you proved ?
And the silence has its revenge !