Post
by nacona » Wed Nov 15, 2006 5:41 am
negatvone,
In my honest opinion you could leave the form how it is and it will work. It reads great, and it is balenced well, I was just making a note that because of how you have applied the rhyme, it could be re-cast into couplets which is fun that this poem can work just as well in each form. Now, I am a true supporter of the phrase "If it's not broke, don't fix it!" so I might leave it as it is if it were my poem, but then again I also think there is no good writing, only good rewriting! If you want to play with the form for fun then you should, if not then leave it be, either way its a gem! As for moving it to workshop, I am not sure, for me that would depend on what draft it was on, and the responses that I have gotten about it in work shop. I am also not certain of where you are at on this as a writer, do you feel it needs to be workshoped? Have you had in up for serious critique yet? If so have you had it up for serious critique since your last revision? If no then I would probably move it to the workshop to see what people say about it. I am very flattered and glad that you enjoy my work, some of it is good, some of it needs work, and some of it is not the best, but I like to think that I am growing and learning as a poet. I have only been writing poetry seriously for 2 years, before that I just wrote in my journal, and sometimes I would write a poem that I have never shared. I am a painter/artist actually and I have been doing that since I was 5 and I am quite good, but when I started writing I felt my work was quite bad, and only in the last 6 months have I started to really develop my voice, so it feels really good to know that I am getting better at expressing myself through words. Thanks again for sharing this poem, make sure you post it for us if you do any further drafts!
Cheers!
Shawn Nacona
"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000 -George W. Bush