A Friend..With A Story..

Resources for victims of abuse seeking help and support. Also good sources for those wishing to help victims of abuse. Post your own stories or impressions of The Ravyn here.

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A Friend..With A Story..

Post by Guest » Sat May 22, 2004 10:16 am

Most of you probably know me, would never think this had happened to me, but, well, after reading one of the others posts of what you guys want this to maybe turn into, something where people can talk about abuse and stuff I figured I might as well.. I'll go ahead and say my story is in a way like The Ravyns, (Who i knew, but can only wish i would of talked to more) and in a way it's not.. and I'll go ahead and say, of course, all names have been changed.. We'll say mine is Kelly..

When I was younger, like, between just born and five, I was one of the happiest babies on the earth..but then again, all of them are, aren't they?
After five is a different story. When my grandfather, just call him Paw, and me were home alone for the day, having some normal paw and Kelly time, he raped me. I don't know what made him, or what made me never tell anyone, but i didn't. for about five years. I guess i had fooled myself into liking it.. i mean, i never really told him to stop, i can remember crying the first time, and have flashbacks of cowering in a corner, but i can't remember once when i told him to stop. I guess that might be my fault, he was my paw paw..best man in the world..the one who went and helped a dog when it was hurt.. Just didn't make sense, so i kept my mouth shut. Well, when i had just turned 10, he died. I was mad at him for that, and let it slip of what he'd been doing. No one believed me, of course. Well i guess i can't really say no one.. My dad took his place.. Him and mom have been fighting for ever, i think, and i can't really imaging why she stays with his lousy ass.. it took her two years to figure out what was going on, and i think that only thing that really tipped her off was that she walked in on me shaving my..private..and i wasn't supposed to be shaving yet, not till i was 14, but dad had other ideas. I've never left home, never told anyone in my life the whole story, never want to. I suppose i could, but i havn't had to deal with it for about two years now, so i've just let it died (Yes, i'm 14 now) i can't remember everything that's happened, i don't think i will ever really want to, but i do remember how the two people i looked up to most hurt me..
I don't know why i put this, i don't want anyones sympathy.. cause i could of stopped it.. *Sigh* i gues in the long run everyone needs to let this out sometimes.. There is also a last part to my story, that most probably won't understand.. i can't say i'm proud of it, but i've found something that majorly helps, the kidn of people they are isn't the best thing in the world, but i've never found a better group of people.. they help me know i can trust men again, thats for sure..and it helps to know someone cares, because i've decided my mom sure as hell didn't... well..thats all i guess.. still not to sure why the .... i put this...well bye all, stay safe..

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Post by Moongem » Sat May 22, 2004 11:12 am

I'm glad you told your story, KellyGuest. I'm horrified, also, that these two people who you would expect to trust with your life instead ravaged your tiny body and developing mind. And it angers me to think of this happening daily, to millions of innocent children.

Don't feel guilty for not telling anyone, your mind was not equipped with the ability to know what to do or how to do it. Which is why those types target young children. And the contrast of the abuse done to you and the kindness expended on a dog must have been very psyche wounding.

Hugs and warm wishes to you, KG, and we'll give any help we can. You sound like a strong, youngly-wise spirit, fight to stay that way, know it's okay to dislike yourself, at times, but always love yourself.

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Post by Berlie » Sat May 22, 2004 11:33 pm

I am really sorry to hear that you had to go through this. I hope you are safe now. If you are not or if there is anything we can do for you please just let us know.

It is NOT your fault that this happened just because you did not tell them to stop. You should not have had to tell them to stop because it never should have happened. Even if you had told them to stop it does not mean it would have.

My father molested me. It went on for some time until one time I got up the courage to tell him to stop. He didn't stop and he told me it was ok for him to be doing what he was because he was my father.

It is hard for me now to see one side of my father who is.. my father.. and to see at the same time the other side of him.. my abuser. Its very confusing to realize that they are one and the same.
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thief of dreams
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Post by thief of dreams » Sat May 22, 2004 11:49 pm

it doesnt matter if you didnt say stop. it doesnt even matter if you 'liked' it... at that age we dont know what is happening, its just something that is happening.. we see it as sort of a 'not normal' thing we still are waaaayyy too young to understand it.. especially when it comes from such people that are close to you. it really isnt ok that it happened.. it shouldnt be accepted as just something that happened... to this day i still try an tell myself that what happened in the past is just that.. the past.. its over and done with.. no need in dwelling on it.. but it goes alot deeper than that.. it is now and will probably forever be a part of you.. there is no way to remove it.. but what we can do is understand it... and please understand that it isnt your fault... ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!
i was molested by two people when i was young, one lasted from before i knew what age was till i was ten years old.. and some how i forgot it or locked it away or whatever you want to call it.. but i completely forgot it happened until i was about fourteen and on some strange day for some unknown reason it all came back to me.. i remember thinking, "well there are some things i could have went without ever remembering.." ~smile~ but yea.. so i had some rought times trying to understand it... then about six years later i decided that i control who i am.. i dont need that shiot to tell me who i am.. so i decided to accept it and move on.. to not be affected by the past.. but that didnt really work... i mean i could feel normal and happy, i could be just fine, but around certain things i would lock up, get ran over with fear and just want to run away and hide.. i still have these feelings, even when im with someone i really really want to be with.. i just cant do it... im hoping maybe some day someone will give me enough time to try an get over that.. but its not an easy thing to put up with when you want to be close to someone and they always want to pull away... so i dont know.. there are no true answers to some things i guess...
i would like to thank you for having the courage to share this with us.. yep courage... cause it is anything but easy to share things like this... and Kim is right.. if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or someone to just stand and take punches.. just yell out... someone will answer...
"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler."
Friedrich Nietzsche

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Post by Guest » Sun May 23, 2004 5:59 pm

Not always, Thief, not always.
Kelly

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Post by thief of dreams » Mon May 24, 2004 3:08 am

true, we could be temporarily away from the keyboard.. hehe.. but if you leave a message we will return the call... even if we have to move the planets and throw a blanket over the sun...
"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler."
Friedrich Nietzsche

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