moonflowers highlights ..April 2010

Moderator's monthly picks from the "Funny Business" forum

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moonflowers highlights ..April 2010

Post by moonflower » Sat May 08, 2010 9:42 am

hi everyone! :hello: well another month has come and gone..April whizzed by so fast! :grin: since there were no postings in this forum for the month of April, i decided to post some 'oldies'..a few of my all-time favorites..hey, my thanks to all who come in to read and, here are my highlights for the month of April.. :grin: .. :grin:


New Element Discovered.....posted by heinzs

found this... good for a laugh

New Element Discovered:

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.


Nuthouse-Sit Down, Shut up!.....written by SamIAm

New Parents Spend First Three Years of Child's Life Teaching Him to Talk, Walk - Will Spend Next Fifteen Trying to Get Him to Sit Down, Shut Up

Taos, New Mexico - New parents, Alisha and Shane Boyle, announced to their families today that their one-year-old son Alex took his first steps.

"Three months ago he said his first word, 'mama'." said Alisha, "Now he's walking. I just can't wait until he's up and around, talking and playing! It will be so great!"

Alisha's father, Phil Meyers, reportedly rolled his eyes while he and Alisha's mother went into another room to laugh at their daughter.

"Boy, she is so in for it," Meyers said. "It won't be long until she's begging us to baby sit the brat just so she can have a couple of hours of peace and quiet. That kid will be getting into everything, stomping, singing stupid repetitive songs and smarting back. Boy are they in for it."

"This is a common problem in parenting," said Dr. Harris Polaski, a child psychologist at Yale University. "Parents have no idea what they are in for. Teaching your kids to talk and walk will only lead to the inevitable - which is fifteen years of trying to get them to sit down and shut the hell up. That's why we do the studies we do."

Polaski says that he is conducting an eighteen year study with his own child, Fredrick.

"We never talk or walk around him," says Polaski, "We crawl everywhere. We have no TV and no friends. Freddy has no idea that humans can walk and talk."

Polaski says that he hopes the study will prove that children can be taught in such a way that it brings peace to the parents who've made the mistake of having them.

"Parenting is hard," Polaski says. "I get a lot of rug burns and it's hard to reach things I need up on shelves, but I think it will be worth it."

Polaski stated that he and his wife do not walk or talk even when they think Freddy is not looking. "We're afraid he'll crawl in on us and discover that humans can stand. That would ruin the whole process."

The Boyle family does not care. "Little Alex is so cute," said Shane. "How can anyone not love such a precious joy? Parenting is easy. All you do is change them and feed them. Then, when they walk and talk you just tell them to settle down and they'll listen. After all, we're the parents and the child has to do what we say. I think this Doctor Polaski is a sick, sick man."


My Favorite Things (Parody).....written by Eternum 1

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
reading from poets who's words leave me smitten
Poetry Pages tied up with a string
These are a few of my favorite things

Memos from Berlie and rhyming my doodles
writing a challenge including fried noodles
Laughing with others on message board links
These are a few of my favorite kinks

Eating my lunch with crispy fried taters
reading the hellos and hey, see ya laters
Wondering if Heinz will be pushed to the brink
These are a few of my favorite kinks

Tom's sonnets, Erika's haikus and Debbies epistles
flirting with Nin and making wolf whistles
Phoenix, Ven, Jeanne and Gillian make me think
these are a few of my favorite kinks

Listening to Bags go on about being Irish
makes me wonder if he's secretly Polish
Reading that Jim tossed the booze down the sink
These are a few of my favorite kinks

I'd like to see Saturn covered in jelly
but if I told her she'd thump me quite silly
Tied to a bedpost while I'm Colonel Klink
These are a few of my favorite kinks

When I see Vivaldi Falls try
to tease his sweet Butterfly
I just smile and give Jay a wink
These are a few of my favorite kinks

Getting razzed by Aussies to mention their name
is par for the course so 'g'day to you Shane'
I'd rather have piss then Fosters to drink
These are a few of my favorite kinks

Then there's the poet muppet, If Only
sheep get quite nervous when he's feeling lonely
Ewe's caught between IO and a drop off the brink
These are a few of my favorite kinks

Reading a poem picked by Moonflower
helps me appreciate the work of others
Listening to Spazway about what it means
These are a few of my favorite things

Getting a check with a income tax letter
is almost as good as a smile from Friend Forever
Reading so many who make poetry sing
These are a few of my favorite things

When old friends leave, like MJ and Thief
when I'm feeling sad
I write to the Pages about all these things
and then I don't feel sooo baaad.

(to be continued)


Notes by Parents in Tennessee school district.....written by Debbie

These are real notes written by parents in a Tennessee school district...(spellings have been left intact.)

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today.Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

3 Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28,29,30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse roland from p.e for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre,dyrea, direathe), the squirts. [note: words in ( )'s were crossed out]

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15. I kept billie home because she had to go christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.

16 Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monda y. We thought
it was sunday.

17. Sally won't ! be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

19. Please excuse jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20 Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick,
fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be
something going around, her father even got hot last night.


all 4 of those are simply hilariously funny!! :lol: :lol: well, hey, thanks again for reading and browsing in the 'funny farm' that May is here i hope you all come back even more!.. :mrgreen: :hello: :grin:
inside each soul there is music...let the music play..

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