Vagabond
Moderators: LadySaturn, Spazway, moonflower
- moonflower
- enchanted by the magic
- Posts: 2190
- Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2002 12:01 am
- Location: longview tx
Re: Vagabond
i really liked this story!..it kept my interest and it was very easy to visualize..did you ever write any more to it?..i wonder if the authorities caught up with David and what happened to him then..this is great stuff heinzs!
- heinzs
- The Fat Cat
- Posts: 8419
- Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
- Tag line: Do no harm
- Location: Novato, CA
- Contact:
Re: Vagabond
The muse never threw any more of this in my direction... Thanks Val.
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started
- heinzs
- The Fat Cat
- Posts: 8419
- Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
- Tag line: Do no harm
- Location: Novato, CA
- Contact:
Re: Vagabond
still my fav short story... publishers aren't interested.
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started
- Moushka
- Blue Sea Poet
- Posts: 544
- Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2007 3:48 pm
- Tag line: Trusting God
- Location: Anchorage, Alaska
- Contact:
Re: Vagabond
The Ravyn wrote:
Stuck on Number 2. Learning to begin.
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action
- Moushka
- Blue Sea Poet
- Posts: 544
- Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2007 3:48 pm
- Tag line: Trusting God
- Location: Anchorage, Alaska
- Contact:
Re: Vagabond
What I read online very recently for the first time, needs more commas inserted in the proper places, and the part about Melanie, ? (Don't have the inclination to go back and verify, if that was the name you used) in my opinion, needs to be separated in some sort of punctuality way, to the rest of the story. Great story! Do you need a refresher in English at your age? Possibly. I'm not the writer.
P.S. You misspelled a word towards the beginning.
P.S. You misspelled a word towards the beginning.
Stuck on Number 2. Learning to begin.
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action
- Moushka
- Blue Sea Poet
- Posts: 544
- Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2007 3:48 pm
- Tag line: Trusting God
- Location: Anchorage, Alaska
- Contact:
Re: Vagabond
Specifically refresh yourself on the proper placement of commas.
Stuck on Number 2. Learning to begin.
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action
- Moushka
- Blue Sea Poet
- Posts: 544
- Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2007 3:48 pm
- Tag line: Trusting God
- Location: Anchorage, Alaska
- Contact:
Re: Vagabond
I did not read this on Poetry Pages.
Stuck on Number 2. Learning to begin.
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action
- heinzs
- The Fat Cat
- Posts: 8419
- Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
- Tag line: Do no harm
- Location: Novato, CA
- Contact:
Re: Vagabond
Actually, Cathleen, all the words are spelled correctly and there are more than enough commas... lol. Some of the dialog is dialectic and must be spelled that way to be authentic. As for the "flash to the past" insert, it's separated enough since this is first person narrative and not third person observer.
Keep warm! There's some cold weather coming your way.
Pops
Keep warm! There's some cold weather coming your way.
Pops
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started
Re: Vagabond
god! you make it look so easy!
- heinzs
- The Fat Cat
- Posts: 8419
- Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
- Tag line: Do no harm
- Location: Novato, CA
- Contact:
Re: Vagabond
James, this piece actually started out as a stanza-formatted freeverse poem in 4 parts. I realized that if I took out all the line breaks that it was a straightforward prose story, not a poem at all.
My "best" pieces all come from somewhere in the aether. They spring from my pen to the paper without any deliberate intervention by my logical mind. None of them are edited, so like Athena from the forehead of Zeus they spring full-grown and armored into the world ready to do battle.
Cheers!
My "best" pieces all come from somewhere in the aether. They spring from my pen to the paper without any deliberate intervention by my logical mind. None of them are edited, so like Athena from the forehead of Zeus they spring full-grown and armored into the world ready to do battle.
Cheers!
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started
- Moushka
- Blue Sea Poet
- Posts: 544
- Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2007 3:48 pm
- Tag line: Trusting God
- Location: Anchorage, Alaska
- Contact:
Re: Vagabond
Oh . My bad . Had i continued writing poetry after mom and dads divorce when i was a pre-teen, i might have known all that information by now. ? I'm not really qualified . Your write touched me in a holy spirit way. A possible explanation to something that i have been through.
Stuck on Number 2. Learning to begin.
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action
- heinzs
- The Fat Cat
- Posts: 8419
- Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
- Tag line: Do no harm
- Location: Novato, CA
- Contact:
Re: Vagabond
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started
Re: Vagabond
a well written, bad story.
a question. do you speak more than English?
a question. do you speak more than English?
- heinzs
- The Fat Cat
- Posts: 8419
- Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
- Tag line: Do no harm
- Location: Novato, CA
- Contact:
Re: Vagabond
lol... thanks James. I speak a bit of German and high school Spanish.
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests