Plea To a Mentor for Affirmation

Moongem · Post by **Moongem** » Mon May 27, 2002 5:32 pm

--- Jack Skinner wrote:

I think it's pretty good. My only problem with it, is its length. After a bit, despite the nice crafting of words, phrases, etc. the reading becomes a bit labored......only because of the length.

I'm not a big fan of the novels of Ernest Hemingway nor Stephen King but I am absolutely humbled by the quality of their short stories. I believe, as many others more gifted than I, that short stories are much more difficult to effectively craft than a novel. Now look at the information conveyed in the artistry of a sonnet or, better yet, a haiku. The point I'm trying to make, I suppose, is that Occam's Razor (or the Law of Parsimony) should be applied to writing as well as to science: i.e. use the fewest words you can to illuminate the vision, the story or the message, and yet still give room for the reader to dream, imagine, sense and feel. Whenever I hear the words, "I love you", I always think: "My, what a lovely poem".

At the same time, the words of T. S. Eliot, Dylan Thomas, Keats, James Joyce, etc. legitimately required more words than I know to illuminate, create, remind, etc.

You have talent and you have enthusiasm. Stay with it, Erin.

Write for yourself then give gifts by writing for others.

"soft as the wing pit feathers of an angel" Isn't that interesting?

--- Jack Skinner wrote:

I, too, am a Cancer, July 15. The wood tick piece
was quite good. Take a look at the work of Cormack
McArthy (or McArthur) who wrote "All the Pretty
Horses" and the gut'wrencing piece titled "Blood
Meridian". What you'll find is the emergence and
development of characters in an unusual fashion.
They are not simply "introduced". They sorta ooze
out of the story itself because they come to be
necessary to carry the story. Your style reminds me of that.

I've had no formal training in writing either. I
love to read and learn. Most of all I love to write and re-create (as in recreation). You have the stuff, Erin. Trust me. I'll get to you a list of quarterly publications and the format they require. Send it to all of them and let the first one who says "yes" publish it. It seems you can't get published until you've been published. Writers write. I've been told that a million times.

One other thing. Take notes as you go about your
day. "The taste of summer in a ripened pear." Those are not my words but I wrote them down years ago to remind me that there are ways to represent the entire cosmos in a word, a wink, or a whisper.

Keep it up, Kid!

Regards, Jack Skinner

---Erin Moen wrote

Hi there, Jack! Remembered you had said this: I'll get to you a list of quarterly publications and the format they require, and I would like to know if you could still get me that list? I don't know if anything I have is publishable but am feeling more confident, albeit it much is still pretty "shallow", am trying to gain depth
but for now I have been doing poems about the
happenings in my life, here's the one from yesterday:

We went up to Eagle Creek today
through mountains mantled in dust,
dirt roads with wayward rocks poked up
making 4-wheel drive a must.
The mountains look tired, and burdened down
the cactus even looked parched.
But far on down in a split in the ground
a spring-green ribbon still marched.

So down we went, to the ribbon of green
along the winding way
tall cliffs of rock and bare mesquite
start to cringe from the heat of day.
Some ragged deer are heading there
to find a hint of shade
they follow a wadi long in length
the heat makes them shimmer and fade.

The way gets rougher, the ribbon is near,
but still a ways to go
Anticipation builds, the need to see,
the getting there, oh so slow!
We look and find the breach in the hill
that sends us hairpinning down
and there it is, what we've come to breath
nature's green river gown.

The sudden flare of the sun-touched scene
captures our rapture-filled eyes
the feel, the look, the smell in the air
even the buzz of the flies
combine to sooth the dusty wounds
of desert-dwelling pain
the months are long and tedious
without the strength of rain.

But we must wretchedly pass over the flow
and climb up again, this time not so high,
for calling so sweet in fluid notes
is our slice of the liquid pie.
The stop is rushed and doors fly open
we all gallop to the place
where toes are cooled and eyes are moved
it turns into a race!

And, oh the feel of earths's cold blood
running true and free
the gurgling and eddies meet and mate
performing life's dance for me.
Upon the banks, the cottonwoods
tall and mighty kings
hold court with leafed trumpets of wind
and provide halls of shady rings.

I am alone, my thoughts are calmed
the others are up the way,
my skin absorbs the humid air
and the beauty of the day.
My spirit soars upon the breeze
bouyed by wonders seen
farly down in a split in the ground
and along my ribbon of green.

I liked it, I didn't like it, I read it over and over and, decided I do like it! Is farly a word?! [img]images/smiles/icon_wink.gif[/img] God, what could make a person more insane than reading their works over hundreds of times and thinking, every time, something different could be added or taken away or booted to the moon.....I'm kinda liking it though!

No characters have oozed out as yet, just me, haha! And I see where notes need to be taken constantly, I've lost several excellent phrases in the last week or so, I actually started Thunderstorm! at Kayla's band recital, then spent the rest of the night feverishly bent over, like a hunched up maniac, it was only when you commented on the "intenseness(ha)" of it that I reread it in a different way, showing, indeed, the reader gives much to the meaning/message of the poem! [img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

Hope your life is healthy and happy, Jack. Thank you for your thoughts and help.

Warmly,
Erin

To be cont.

[ 05-27-2002: Message edited by: Moongem ]</p>

Moongem · Post by **Moongem** » Mon May 27, 2002 6:17 pm

I should elaborate abit on this, I feel I need an
encouraging word from my mentor so sent an e-mail with my latest piece. May be able to work this up into more of a story when I get my anxiously awaited reply, I have several e-mails and replies from him...just wanted to share some of his thoughts with you guys.

[ 05-27-2002: Message edited by: Moongem ]</p>

Moongem · Post by **Moongem** » Tue May 28, 2002 10:51 pm

Okay, it's been almost 48 hours and no word, I'm getting nervous. Sometimes, though, he takes a bit longer to reply to have the time to do it right, god, I hope that's it!! Come on, Jack! Jack?

Gillian · Post by **Gillian** » Wed May 29, 2002 6:54 pm

Hey you -

Would that I had a mentor. What a wonderful person to have around and encourage you with your writing. (No offence to anyone here - I do believe you're all mentors). Thanks for pointing me to this thread. Would he consider a group mentoring type of thing ???

Gillian

Gillian · Post by **Gillian** » Mon Jun 03, 2002 6:27 pm

Moongem -
Did you hear back from Jack ? I keep checking back here to see if there had been an update. Tell me if I'm being nosey (sp?).

Gillian

Moongem · Post by **Moongem** » Mon Jun 03, 2002 7:07 pm

Hi, Gillian, gotta run my daughter to softball, I contacted him today to ask about a different poem, he said he had been busy working on editing a book of published short stories for his son, a published author, but would look at my new poem, which I haven't sent yet, and he hadn't forgotten the list. [img]images/smiles/icon_confused.gif[/img] [img]images/smiles/icon_smile.gif[/img] He has not commented on the other two, but I am not suprised after posting them on one of those technical sites and getting bashed on several fronts about them!! [img]images/smiles/icon_sad.gif[/img] Oh well, I'll be patient and work on some stuff, besides kids and their busy lives!! We are now the proud owners of 5 half-grown hens, the pen of which was built yesterday, for 4-H!! [img]images/smiles/icon_smile.gif[/img] Hope you've been well!! Do you want me to PM you with the poem and the critique's I got? Haha!! [img]images/smiles/icon_rolleyes.gif[/img]

Gillian · Post by **Gillian** » Mon Jun 03, 2002 7:56 pm

Moongem - Please do - look forward to reading it, and "them" ! You're always so full of energy of the bestest kind. Take care -

Gillian

wordphoole · Post by **wordphoole** » Mon Jun 17, 2002 9:22 pm

I absolutely, totally, and indubitably agree that one should always, on all occasions, whenever possible, use the absolute, no questions asked, fewest possible words to say what you want to say without being overly verbose and difficult to read, especially with run-on sentences and those kind of things that are not so pretty good.

So I try not to use more than I have to. [img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

Moongem · Post by **Moongem** » Mon Jun 17, 2002 9:46 pm

Hahahaha, then you are really gonna love/hate my "Seasons of My Childhood" in this section, phoole!! Wahahaha! Enjoy my world!! [img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [img]images/smiles/icon_razz.gif[/img]

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