My Unconventional Brainstew 9

[Phoenix J. Star]

So for the past few weeks, I've been perpotrating my own expirement with my so called "best friend" Martha, just to see how strong our supposed "friendship" really is, or should I say was.
Out of nowhere she's been hanging around with Tubby and Psycho, whose company I do not prefer to keep so I've kept my distance. I started by only doing lunch with Martha and taking my smoke breaks at different times, to see if she'd go with Tubby. Now of course, when I would reveal I was taking a smoke break at a time that is not my normal time she would jump on the chance to call Martha and ask her to go with her, then she started asking her to have lunch with her, which I figured would happen. So here we are in and around week 4 of this expirement so she's totally hanging out with them at work AND on the weekends. We used to have this tradition of going over to her house every Friday night and we adults would hang out while the kids would play. Ever since Martha's marriage has broken up, our weekend plans have ceased. I figured if she wanted to hang out or do something she'd ask me, I was tired of asking her and being turned down for bullshit reasons when really she was lying to me about the fact that she was hanging out with Tubby.
So this week I have not taken smoke breaks with her or lunch at all. Today I wandered in the breakroom a short while before it was time for me to clock back in and went outside to smoke and there she was with Tubby and Psycho. I of course keep my distance because she knows how I feel about them. I will be civil at work, because I have to but outside of that, I want no contact with them. I'm not going to pretend to be their friends just to hang out with Martha. They drive me absolutely crazy and I'd honestly rather hang solo if it means I can keep a bit of sanity.
So, I walk outside, stay on the other side of our smoking area and she walks over to me and tries to talk to me, then she tries to get me to come stand by them, and I polietly decline, and so she goes back to her new clique, just as predicted.
I've always said that she uses the term "best friend" too loosley. I honestly have very few true best friends with whom I use the term. Anyone else is either just a friend or an aquaintence.
So I have determined in this situation where I stand and that is standing solo, which I'm ok with. At first I was really upset by the whole thing. I knew what Tubby was doing and I'm sure that Pshcyo was right behind her instigating the whole thing because that's what she does, she instigates things, but I was really hurt for a long time. Not that she wants to be their friend but that she felt she had to lie to me about it. I was very very hurt. What kind of friend lies to you, boldface lies to you about hanging out with someone she knows you disdain, someone she has sat and expressed that she shares in your disdain, only to make a hypocrite of herself. So what am I left to believe?
That she enjoys their company, and that's fine. I do not. Therefore, I will decline their company.
As I stood outside smoking, and watching them interact with one another, I realized something else.
Martha is a drama queen.
Tubby and Psycho are severe drama queens/miserable people. They are not happy unless they are surrounded in misery or something dramatic in their own life or someone else's life is going on.
Martha has totally been absorbed into the "I Heart Drama!" line of thinking, a thought process I prefer to stay far away from.
The less drama the better. I like boring. I like the fact that after work, I get my child, I go home, cook dinner, feed family, and am in bed by 10pm at the latest.
I really don't want to go home, fight with family members or future ex-spouses, upset children, talk on the phone to my surrounding enablers who keep the fires raging, that scene is just not my bag.
So the conclusion of my expirement?
If she wants to hang with them, that's cool. Who am I to tell her who she can and can't be friends with? We are adults here, full of life and free will, I have no problem with that. I'm just going to use my free will to not partake in her drama fest with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Duh.
I'm staying positive about the situation. It's her loss because I am a damn good friend.
I value all my friendships dearly, I'm there when I am needed or called upon, or not called upon. Through thick and thin.
Not for her.
Not anymore.
Am I being a bitch?
Probably.
But its the only defense mechanism I know that keeps me from getting hurt in these types of situations. I'm not hurting anyone. I'm not going out of my way to deliberatly be a bitch to anyone, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Peace out bitches!

[preston]

maybe you should give up smoking

[Phoenix J. Star]

Yes. You are right. I should.

[Phoenix J. Star]

that does not mean however, that I want to be their new BFF!!!!

[Leysa]

You are welcome to hide out in my office for a lunch break if you want. If I don't have lunch plans with friends, I shut my door and play a silly computer game while eating my protein bar and drinking my green tea.

Feel free to do that anytime. I won't do the smoke break thing, since I hate smoke, so I can't help ya there.

Drama free is the way to be. That other stuff just ages you faster.

I've been blessed with my friends -- it's always better to have friends you can be 100% yourself with, who will have your back at all times, who are there when times do get tough, but are also there to celebrate the good times. Friends you talk all night to, or sit quietly with and watch a football game, or a stupid movie. Don't settle for anything less.

[Phoenix J. Star]

thankyou for the offer leysa! I will probably take you up on that offer. Wed. right before we were going home she called me to her office and asked me what was going on so I told her. I said I'm not mad at you or anything because that would be silly, just a little let down. I'm very bad about putting my friends up on pedestals and the hurt is hard when they come crashing off of it. And she wasn't very understanding about the situation and thought I am being silly about not giving in and sucking it up and trying to be "friends" with Tabatha and Jennifer and I told her I'm just not going to do it. I've been stabbed in the back too many times by them and I'm not taking it any more. So maybe our friendship wasn't meant to be. I've got my family and Toby, who is most definatly my best friend, and I've got our Oklahoma crew and of course Chevon, who when she's not laying guilt trips on me for never coming to see her can be a great friend. She actually stayed the night at our house Saturday and we stayed up till 4am watching scary movies and talking and laughing, something I beleive we both needed at that time, and it did a lot of good.

[bags123]

I'd steer clear of anyone named Psycho if I were you.

[Phoenix J. Star]

Oh I have been.