Midnight Snacks and Morning Commutes

[Lil Gray]

<img border="0" alt="[Exclamation]" title="" src="graemlins/exclamation.gif" /> WARNING!! <img border="0" alt="[Exclamation]" title="" src="graemlins/exclamation.gif" />
(Some adult language/content!)

Bill stared at the immense tractor trailer, tumbling toward him like a child’s toy in surreal, slow motion. Though his own foot depressed the brake pedal of the Jaguar sedan, there was no traction to be gained on the ice. There was little chance the locked binders of the eighteen wheeler coming up in his review mirror had resulted in any purchase, either.

He turned his head toward the passenger seat. Despite the fact that he’d left the house alone, he wasn’t surprised in the least to find the passenger seat occupied.

“So, this is how it feels, huh? The beginning of the end.” Bill pondered.

“Oh, no.” The man stated flatly, as if Bill should know better. “The beginning of the end was your birth. Of course, perhaps this is what that felt like, though you wouldn’t remember it.”

“My…birth?”

“Well…your conception, if you want to split hairs. But as I say…you wouldn’t remember that.”

“No. No, I don’t.” He studied the blue-grey eyes. “Do you remember yours?”

“No. But I remember yours. I’ve been here all along, you know.”

“All along?”

“Of course. I am the only certainty your life has ever held. The only guarantee.”

“My death.”

“Your death.”

“Funny.” Bill mused. “I imagined the Angel of Death to look…I don’t know…different.”

“’The’ Angel of Death?” The man laughed. “You’re not the first to say so, of course, but it surprises me a man of your intellect would believe there would be only one of ‘us’. What a monumental task that would be! One Angel of Death for all of humanity.”

“So, there are more of you?”

“One for every man, woman and child living. I am your Angel of Death, Bill.”

“Hmm. My very own, eh?”

“Your very own, Bill.”

“So…how should I address you? Grim Reaper? Grim? Mr. Reaper?”

“Ned.”

“Ned?” Bill nearly laughed, despite the gravity of the situation.

“Ned.” Mr. Reaper replied with a twinkle in his eye. “You were expecting something more grand?”

“Well…”

“Sorry, Bill. You get ‘Ned’.”

“Holy creeping Christ!” Bill burst into laughter. “What the hell did I have for dinner last night? I’ve had some pretty bizarre dreams on rich seafood dishes, but…God! All I had was a Caesar salad.” He tried to get himself under control. “So, tell me…Ned…should I be afraid?”

“Afraid? Nah. Hell, Bill. We’ve been journeying together for fifty-three years. I’m not about to let you down, now!”

“’We’, huh? You’ve been here the entire time.”

“Never left you. Jesus, Bill. Surely, you recognize me?”

“Well…your face does seem…um…vaguely familiar…”

“San Diego, 1963. I was the bellhop.”

“San D-…at Micah’s bachelor party?”

“Alcohol poisoning, Bill. Tsk, tsk.”

“Don’t think I’ve ever been sicker.”

“And your by-pass, six years ago?”

“Shit! The anesthetist?”

“You do remember.” Ned grinned boyishly.

“But you…you look the same.” Bill smirked, catching the man’s lie. “How come you haven’t aged?”

“Oh, we don’t.”

“Ah. I see.” That was fair enough. After all, there had to be some concession for being an Angel of Death. It had to be a thankless job. “So…where were you the rest of the time?”

“Well, I actually only appear…manifest myself in human form…occasionally. To remind you of your own mortality.”

“I see.”

“Let’s see. I think the very first appearance was paramedic on the scene of that accident you and Judy Martin came upon in 1958.”

“Judy Martin. I haven’t thought about her in years! God! That girl had the most amazing set of…” Bill huffed softly. “Sorry.”

“S’okay.” Ned grinned. “You’re right. Well, she did back then, any way. She hasn’t aged well.”

“You see her?” Another laugh escaped him. “Never mind.”

“Let’s just put it this way. Annie is much better preserved.”

Bill laughed. “She still is a damn fine-looking woman, isn’t she?” He grinned to himself, looking forward to waking up beside his wife of 26 years after this; the strangest of dreams. “So…is it true your entire life flashes before your eyes?”

“Nah. Old wives’ tale. There are a lot of those, regarding Death.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure. Like you know how they say if you’re dreaming of falling, if you ever actually hit bottom, you’ll die in reality?”

“Yeah.”

“Old wives’ tale. And…you know how they say that cats steal newborn’s breath?”

“Another wives’ tale?”

“Nah. That one is true.”

“You’re kidding!”

“Of course I’m kidding, Bill.” Ned laughed softly. “Cats are harmless. Except when you scratch between their ears, and they dig their claws into your leg. God, I hate that! I tried like hell to get you to have that damn Siamese de-clawed!”

“Muffin?”

“And what the hell kind of name is ‘Muffin’, any way? You’re a grown man, Bill! Wandering around the back yard in your boxers and robe….’Muffin? Muffin? Here, kitty, kitty, kitty…’”

“Aw, fuck you.” Bill chuckled.

“Sorry. Always amused me. Couldn’t we have gotten a German Shepherd, or something?”

“Again with the ‘we’…”

“Yeah, Bill. I’m telling you. I’ve been with you every moment.”

“Even when….even….” Suddenly, Bill was embarrassed. It was ridiculous, of course. He’d had vivid sexual dreams that never bothered him in the least, yet talking about sex in a dream with this man seemed to make him terribly uncomfortable.

“Even then, Bill.” Ned cast a sly smile. “Hey. Remember the balcony of the condo in Bermuda?”

“Um…well, yeah. I remember it. But you were what, then? The palm tree? The umbrella in one of the Pina Coladas?”

“Nah. I only appear as myself, when I appear. I was within you, then. And man! We were great that night! Annie wasn’t faking it. That’s for damn certain. Of course, she’s always loved to fuck on coke.”

Bill stared at Ned, again contemplating the power of dinner eaten too close to bedtime. But then it struck him. It hadn’t been the Caesar salad. It was the ice cream. Death By Chocolate ice cream. A laugh escaped him at the sweet irony. Death By Chocolate. He glanced through the windshield, not at all surprised to see that the tumbling semi had become his favorite bowl; the yellow of the Carnival Glass set that he and Annie had gotten from his Aunt Mary as a wedding present. Of course, the bowl was enormous, and the melty splats of chocolate ice cream flying about were enough to cover a car.

“Nice touch, huh?” Ned grinned.

“The ice cream? Yeah.” Bill cleared his throat. “So…will it be painful?”

“Being taken out by a bowl of ice cream the size of a house? Nah. I like you, Bill. Always have. Shame we’ve come to this. But…it’s a living.” Ned burst into howling laughter. “Get it? ‘It’s a living’. Little play on words there, Bill.”

“Jumpin’ Jesus.” Bill scoffed. “What do they do? Hire out of work comedian wannabes to be Angels of Death?”

“Ouch, Bill. That hurt.” Ned was teasing, though, judging by the twinkle in his eye.

“So, what happens when a job is over?”

“Maybe I’ll head down to Florida. You know. Watch some of my colleagues at work. Lots of turnover in Florida, with the all the retirees. And I’ll get to soak up a little sunshine before coming back north. I’m due to be conceived in a little town in northern Wisconsin in four months.” Ned scowled. “Shit! I just realized. Twelve more northern winters!”

“Twelve?”

“Yeah. Marcus isn’t very bright. Kills himself huffing paint cans with a buddy of his, a month before his fourteenth birthday.”

“You know this, already?”

“Well…yeah. Can’t very well just make it up as we go along. We’ve had a few loose cannons who pulled that crap. Throws everything off, if they don’t deliver on schedule. There’s this whole balance thing. I won’t bore you with the details, but I’ll give you a couple of examples. Hitler. Mussolini. Look how many had to die to make up for those two living past their times! Countless others throughout history, of course. I try not to pay attention. I just do my job. Only reason I know about those guys is that I was a young soldier for the Allies. I was supposed to have become a physician. But no! I had to be killed in some goddamned…I’m boring you.”

“Not at all. It’s fascinating, really. The effects of ice cream at midnight.”

“Um…yeah. Well, Bill. I’m out of time, any way. I do want to thank you, though. You’re one of the better ones.”

“Thanks, Ned. You’re pretty…um…entertaining, yourself. You know. For an Angel of Death, and all.”

“So, you’re not disappointed in a send-off into the After Life by an out-of-work comedian named ‘Ned’?”

“Could have been worse. You could have come to me in the form of an out-of-work dentist, or something, and I’d have had to be drilled and filled in my final moments.”

Ned laughed. “Thanks, Bill. I needed that.”

Bill watched as Ned’s form began to fade. Soon, he was little more than a misty cloud, then nothing at all. Bill’s attention returned to the windshield. The bowl of ice cream had reformed itself into the eighteen wheeler, now tumbling in “real” time. He smiled.

He smiled even as the sound of groaning metal and shattering glass broke the silence of the still, New England winter morn.


Annie ran her hand over the mahogany of the casket. She’d not thought another tear could be wept, but her eyes welled to overflowing again.

“Good night, my sweet prince. I love you...” She whispered softly. “God…I hope you didn’t suffer.”


But Ned hadn’t lied. Bill hadn’t felt a thing.

It was, though, the lousiest bowl of Death By Chocolate, ever.

<small>[ 02-19-2003, 07:55 PM: Message edited by: Lil Gray ]</small>

[ehli'schild]

wow, lil... that was some thought process you had going there. it was definitely something to make you think. interesting.

[heinzs]

<img border="0" alt="[BowDown]" title="" src="graemlins/notworthy.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[BowDown]" title="" src="graemlins/notworthy.gif" /> Totally publishable, ma'am. An excellent tale.

[Lil Gray]

Pam, thanks for the read and comments! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="smile.gif" />

Heinz, thank you!!! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

[preston]

Lil,

Your title, along with your warning almost shied me away.
I was picturing a carload of nerdy accountants and overwieght secretaries in pastel colored pantsuits piling out of the car in a parking garage buttoning buttons and zipping zippers.
Whew !

I think I've met Ned before, only when I knew him, he was named Warren.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="cool.gif" />

[Leysa]

Lil -- I laughed til I had to run to the little girls room! Great, great write -- with some wonderful little messages hidden in the well done humor. Woman, you have so much talent for both poetry and prose. I am awed!

[Lil Gray]

Preston, thanks for the read. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="smile.gif" /> Glad you looked past the title and warning. LOL Is this title any better? I'm kind of at a loss for a good title, actually. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" />

And Leysa, you've made me grin from ear to ear, and blush, to boot! Thank you so very much! A compliment never means so much as when it comes from one we admire! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this. It's a bit off-the-wall, but...(*grin)

Thanks again, all! Just have to say again what a wonderful group of people frequents these Pages!

(((WARMEST HUGS!!!)))

<img border="0" alt="[Valentine]" title="" src="graemlins/valentine.gif" />

[preston]

Lil,
There was nothing wrong with the original title, I just had to take a deep breath and prepare myself mentally before reading. The new title though fits just fine. I always enjoy reading prose by people who I've only known from their poetry ... kind of gives me another insight into their creative mind. Especially when it's written from the point of view of the opposite sex.

<img border="0" alt="[book]" title="" src="graemlins/book.gif" />

[Lil Gray]

I'm with you! It's always interesting to read different types of works from those with whom we've become familiar through their poetry.

Any way, I'm glad you enjoyed this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="smile.gif" /> As always, thanks for reading. <img border="0" alt="[book]" title="" src="graemlins/book.gif" />