Explanation of Life...

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heinzs
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Explanation of Life...

Post by heinzs » Wed May 21, 2003 12:35 am

Explanation of Life...


On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty."

And God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten."

So God agreed. (sigh).

On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span." Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"

And God agreed, again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave back and the ten monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay, said God. You've got a deal."

So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.

Life has now been explained.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> Got this in my email. Thought you'd all like a giggle.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

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Ven
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Explanation of Life...

Post by Ven » Wed May 21, 2003 1:59 am

Hahaha .. I gotta tell my husband that one <img border="0" alt="[BeerChug]" title="" src="graemlins/beerchug.gif" />
Thanks for the giggle <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

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bags123
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Explanation of Life...

Post by bags123 » Wed May 21, 2003 5:38 am

<img border="0" alt="[ThumbsUp]" title="" src="graemlins/thumbsup.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[BeerChug]" title="" src="graemlins/beerchug.gif" />

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burdick
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Post by burdick » Thu Sep 25, 2003 4:13 am

just got to this one....great!

:pimp:

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preston
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Post by preston » Fri Sep 26, 2003 6:20 am

so do we blame our predicament on god or is it our own fault :wink:

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moonflower
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Post by moonflower » Sat Sep 27, 2003 7:50 pm

this is cute!..made me smile.. :mrgreen:
inside each soul there is music...let the music play..

visit my poets page

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jeannerené
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Post by jeannerené » Sat Oct 04, 2003 11:22 pm

:mrgreen:
... and his words purge up and outward,
expelled and onward through desert dust swallowed,
sands he says that gorge on simple sensibilities.
And, now he spits fragments, grit, extended vowels and elongated syllables
over cracked lips. Their sounds fall
piling round his boots…
~ jeannerené

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~breathe~


flickr -jeannerene photostream

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burdick
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from a rastafarian friend

Post by burdick » Sun Oct 19, 2003 7:12 am

Subject: A Texan, A Californian and a Wheat Beer-drinkin' Oregonian



A Texan, a Californian, and an Oregonian are out riding horses.

The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle of whiskey, takes a long draught,
then suddenly throws it into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the
bottle in mid-air. The Californian looks at him and says, "What are you
doing? That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!" The Texan says, "In
Texas, there is plenty of whiskey and the bottles are cheap."

A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the Californian pulls out a bottle
of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the bottle into the air, pulls out
his gun and shoots it in mid-air. The Oregonian can't believe his eyes,
"What the heck did you do that for? That was a perfectly good bottle of
champagne!" The Californian says, "In California, we have plenty of
champagne and bottles are cheap."

A while later, the Oregonian pulls out a bottle of Widmer Hefeweizen. He
opens it, takes a sip, and then chugs the whole bottle. He puts the bottle
in his saddle bag, pulls out his gun, and shoots the Californian. The
Texan, shocked, says, "Why the hell did you do that?"

The Oregonian replies, "In Oregon, we have plenty of Californians and the
bottles are worth a nickel."

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kuperian4ever
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Post by kuperian4ever » Fri Nov 07, 2003 4:16 pm

Heinzs and Burdic..both great posts. I'm still laughing.
However, burdic..you should place your post as it's own
topic so it will stand on it's own.

Great fun. Thanks
Bric-a Brac

Death will be your final victory over life
Rejoice, for victory comes even as you live
Spread your arms and embrace the future

Leysa
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Post by Leysa » Mon Nov 10, 2003 2:45 pm

Both too funny. And I love Hefeweizen -- I wouldn't shoot it either! Bark, Bark!

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heinzs
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Post by heinzs » Tue Jun 15, 2004 9:06 pm

:bump:
**************************************
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
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***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started

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Debbie
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Heinz..

Post by Debbie » Sun Jun 05, 2005 4:35 pm

Oh Heinz this is too much... :lol: :cool:
Now this is one to share with so many...incredible you are..
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Reach Out And Love Someone
Slow Down And Look around
You Will Find Someone Who Needs You.....

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Eternum 1
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Post by Eternum 1 » Mon Jun 06, 2005 2:48 pm

:mrgreen: I don't intend to bark I'll just turn on the sprinklers when someone enters the yard :cool:
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***********************

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BroMike

And I tho't I'd read ALL the Bible...

Post by BroMike » Sun Jul 03, 2005 2:04 pm

But now I've read Heinz 3:16....it was pretty good, too!

Maybe not on a par with Proverbs, but not too far off the mark, either!

Thanks, Heinz! :lol:

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moonflower
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Post by moonflower » Sun Apr 23, 2006 9:45 pm

:bump: :lol:
inside each soul there is music...let the music play..

visit my poets page

Image

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