HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Forum for posting word games, puzzles and jokes.
Autoprune off.

Moderator: thief of dreams

Post Reply
User avatar
nekot
Poetry Piper
Posts: 1545
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2007 10:11 pm
Location: North Carolina, USA
Contact:

HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Post by nekot » Mon Aug 04, 2008 5:16 pm

HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
Nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before
the
beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy
to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie
down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons. You'll just mess it up.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.

You can do your part by remembering to contact at least
one unstable person to show you care.

(Well, my job is done your turn...)
~eloquently scattered~
nekot's tokens

Image

User avatar
Moushka
Blue Sea Poet
Posts: 527
Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2007 3:48 pm
Location: Anchorage, Alaska

Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Post by Moushka » Mon Aug 04, 2008 11:28 pm

I'm all of the above (except blonde and I find they hang up on me because my self esteem is a little excessive (manic)) but you have turned over this great honor to a very eager, dutiful person and I won't let you down but before I start...........whiskey for my crew, and beer for my horses.... :cheers:
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action

User avatar
buttterflies
Jasmine Queen
Posts: 394
Joined: Sun Feb 08, 2004 9:17 pm
Location: NY ...sometimes...

Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Post by buttterflies » Tue Aug 19, 2008 10:00 am

this is really funny. :mrgreen: :thumbsup:
"To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater." -Bono (U2)

"You have no choice of subject matter. You write what's in your heart and on your mind unless of course it's crap in which case it means you've thought about it too much." -Bono

* :mrgreen: *
Image

User avatar
Duchess
The Irish Rose
Posts: 356
Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2003 12:01 am
Location: Beech Island, SC/Augusta, GA
Contact:

Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Post by Duchess » Sat Oct 04, 2008 8:08 pm

thats awesome :lol: :mrgreen: :thewave:
"Our minds create our realities based on our perceptions and how we view our world..." "In crazy mans world, everyone else is insane and he is the only sane one"
Both said by My Georgia Muse

I miss my baby...R.I.P Chyna
~*}i{*Duchess*}i{*~

I wish to live in a world where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.

User avatar
Silence Nightingale
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 55
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 4:26 pm
Location: crying in the rain
Contact:

Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Post by Silence Nightingale » Fri May 01, 2009 10:56 am

haha that's awesome!
I wanna just run away
I just wanna hide
I just wanna erase the past
And just curl up inside
I don't wanna see the world go round
I wanna go back to bed
Sleep till the pain dissappears
I wanna be with you again

User avatar
Moushka
Blue Sea Poet
Posts: 527
Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2007 3:48 pm
Location: Anchorage, Alaska

Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Post by Moushka » Thu May 14, 2009 10:03 pm

:hearts:
Last edited by Moushka on Thu Jan 07, 2010 10:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action

User avatar
MJPease
Quixotic Rambler
Posts: 1360
Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2002 12:01 am
Location: Clarence Center, NY

Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Post by MJPease » Thu Jan 07, 2010 3:08 pm

Like it! :mrgreen:
Take me back, so far back, adjust this fate. Afeared lately of pen, in abscence of light. The fear I might stumble upon a plagiarized soul. Wipe this dark slate clean, regain my thought. Add the words that rekindle my depth of soul.

From: Summers Discontent 7-24-02

Sincerely

Michael J Pease

User avatar
despicability
Seafoam Poet
Posts: 201
Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2004 2:09 pm
Location: the name on every gravestone in the garden of the doomed
Contact:

Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Post by despicability » Sat Jan 30, 2010 4:52 pm

i have the recorded version of this as my phones ring tone :D

*feels cool now*

apart from it's slightly different and is said by an irish man and stops at 'hang up, all our operators are too busy to talk to you.'
Image
***************************
And so it came to pass
that everything that was
had never come to be


it's a dangerous living this... life...

Did you think that the demon would possess us?

User avatar
hockeychickkayla
Seafoam Poet
Posts: 239
Joined: Wed Mar 25, 2009 1:06 pm
Location: My Own Secret World

Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Post by hockeychickkayla » Wed Aug 04, 2010 7:31 pm

hahah! this is freakin awesome!
"I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best." -Walt Whitman

Post Reply

Return to “Fun & Games”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest