Crystal High City

A place for new members to post their poetry so we may get to know them and their poetry better. Caution: may contain mature content or language.
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A place for new members to post their poetry so we may get to know them and their poetry better. NO erotica.
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charles.degollado
Clearwater Poet
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Crystal High City

Post by charles.degollado » Sun Sep 12, 2010 10:14 am

Updated 8-27-11
Almost a year of revisions.
Original poem renamed
and several subject changes.

8-27-11 Revision:
Debt Of Gondwana

"Every lobby look
Once at the vermillion arboretum.

Let the puzzled barrier
Filled with cypress scratching deep slang,
Even pinching, fluke off the hook."
--

Old post.
9-21-10 Revision:

Goliath reptile moonflower garden
Amid vermillion droplet downwind
Fit like a serendipity virgin turnpike
Turning crystal high cities into ice

Dedicated night worth
Locked out by one word
English vibration wolf
Sharpened by the headboard
Last edited by charles.degollado on Sat Aug 27, 2011 7:10 pm, edited 20 times in total.

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heinzs
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Re: Crystal High City

Post by heinzs » Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:58 pm

Random word generators do not create poetry... How about an explanation?
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charles.degollado
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 24
Joined: Sat Sep 11, 2010 10:45 pm
Tag line: work werk wirk wurk
Location: Texas
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Re: Crystal High City

Post by charles.degollado » Mon Sep 13, 2010 10:37 pm

heinzs wrote:Random word generators do not create poetry... How about an explanation?
Crystal High City (a city high on precious things, example of a green-zone weapon,
evidence of attackers in the shadows)

Vermillion raindrop fit (during wartime, raining blood fits like a glove)

Goliath reptile highway (coldblooded giants create infrastructure)

Counterfeit ransom clip (spies in turn blackmail for example)

Protocol runaway marathon (everyday habits incur many, no time to notice a takeover)

English vibration wolf (using the English language like a predator)

Archetype militia ring (blueprint for many civilian armies to come)

Disappoint headlock fatigue (no time for rest, thresholds put to the test)

Dedicated night worth (a group of people under a spell, filthy behavior prevail)

Behind a virgin teardrop (brainwashed at an innocent age)

Headliner swimming down *Congress (the center stage nightmare swims(primeval like) in its new territory/home)

Giant divine Saturn madam savant (larger than life experienced/wise hostess, female to represent birth/paradigm shift,
Saturn being the 6th planet, and full of hot air)


*Congress, main street downtown Austin, Tx
/I figure branch of government works well too,
I like ambiguity

It's a dark piece,
too negative for my taste in plain language.
A fallen people or land, by way of a hateful leader or leaders

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heinzs
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Re: Crystal High City

Post by heinzs » Tue Sep 14, 2010 2:45 pm

Thanks! I'm afraid it's a "style" that will take some getting a grasp on. I'm accustomed to some obscure referrences, but generally there is at least one point within a piece to which I can anchor and feel my way out from.

:mrgreen:
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charles.degollado
Clearwater Poet
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Re: Crystal High City

Post by charles.degollado » Tue Sep 21, 2010 12:36 am

Revised OP
Original below
charles.degollado wrote:Vermillion raindrop fit
Goliath reptile highway
Counterfeit ransom clip
Protocol runaway marathon
English vibration wolf
Archetype militia ring
Disappoint headlock fatigue
Dedicated night worth
Behind a virgin teardrop
Headliner swimming down Congress
Giant divine Saturn madam savant

charles.degollado
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 24
Joined: Sat Sep 11, 2010 10:45 pm
Tag line: work werk wirk wurk
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: Crystal High City

Post by charles.degollado » Fri Aug 05, 2011 6:55 pm

8-4-11 Revision ^
Last edited by charles.degollado on Sat Aug 06, 2011 9:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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heinzs
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Re: Crystal High City

Post by heinzs » Fri Aug 05, 2011 9:08 pm

Your rewrites are truly dramatic in scope. :thumbsup:
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