You're Still Here

A permanent archive dedicated to the memory of Jennifer Sloan. Read The Ravyn's story in poetry and prose. Post your own story or seek help in The Ravyn's Wings forum.

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thief of dreams
surrounded by shadows
Posts: 1704
Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2002 12:01 am
Location: Bakersfield, California USA
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You're Still Here

Post by thief of dreams » Mon Jan 14, 2019 10:29 pm

hey you,

I have this kid who's going to be 19 years old in March. I didn't meet her until two years ago but she has somehow taken up residence in my heart none the less. She reminds me a lot of you in ways I can't explain using regular terminology. She has the heart of an innocent that has been broken and stitched back together so many times that sometimes she just looks lost. She hugs in bi-polar. Sometimes holding on tight for dear life and other times giving the one-armed "sup" hug, sometimes they change back and forth in the same hug.
I've visited her in mental hospitals, sat beside her as the blood clots and her dog rests his head in her lap. I've seen her laugh and smile through tears and ugly cry in pain.
I can't count the number of times I didn't have the answers she needed, I can't tell you how many times her words have broken my heart, and that's okay. Cause she's still here and right now that is all that matters. It's been a good couple of months for the most part with a little self-destructive behavior but I still count the time as a win.
I gave her a copy of your book and to my surprise, she read it. Also to my surprise, she soon told me she wanted to run away. She didn't care how, even if she had to walk a thousand miles. This was not what I had hoped she would take from your journey. Haha.
She didn't though and now she is slowly starting to find herself. It's a battle every day but she is fighting a damn good fight. Like you, she has courage she didn't know she possessed and I think she is going to be ok.
You may be surprised to know that your Angelfire Black Mesa Poetry site is still up. I don't have a clue how as everything else from the old days seems to have been lost to time and server changes. I am grateful though cause it makes it very easy to show new people and to let them fall in love a little bit with your courage, your spirit, and your message. Even if you never really thought you had a message. You do, and it's helping people survive still.
Love you and miss you. Sorry that it's been so long. I've lost and found myself a few times as well.
"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler."
Friedrich Nietzsche

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