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Ravyn's Writings - 2002

Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 7:34 pm
by LJAmara
A Murder of Crows

crows gather
cawing
raucous laughter
push
knees burned
sandwiched
sudden pain
reflex
jaw clamp
shout
bottle crash
jagged glass
blood gouts
crows caw laughter
taped gauze
reddened sight
he shouts
'let the party
continue'


A Savior, by Any Other Name ...

born in a manger
of a virgin mother
at the end of december
shepherds bore him gifts
a god and a man
his followers persecuted
to the death
but through the baptism
were promised immortal life
sunday became his worship day
and often he is shown
with glowing nimbus
around his head
he took a last supper
with his close followers before
dying in a selfless act
to save mankind
he ascended to heaven
resurrected on a sunday
and, they said, he would return
at the end of time
to raise the dead
for the final judgement of souls
they called the leader
of his religion 'pope'
and he ruled from the hill
in rome known today as
vatican hill
they celebrated the atoning death
of their savior with sacraments
of bread and wine
they called it 'mass'
chantings, bells ringing
the burning incense and
holy water
the son of god, but
can you tell me
who was this man?

Author's Note: answer: the zoroastrian god mithras


Birthright

From yonder mountains he did come
within his hand, a sword blood red.
Unto the plains he spread his wrath,
before his face vast armies fled.
To ocean's shores with willful stride,
unheeding of the damage wrought,
to fight the final battle, lo!
for victory, or come to naught!

From sea's darkest depths she strode,
her mantle golden, burnished bright.
Upon her brow the tempest rode,
within her eyes, the brightest light.
To ocean's shores, revenge to take
for countless wrongs, fell deeds unsung.
Her hardened heart no more to break.
The fate of worlds upon her hung.

Now come, these two, upon the flow
of ebb-tide, thunder threatening.
Unleashed they a mighty din
of sword and mail, of bite and sting.
From full moon unto new moon dim
and back again unto the full,
four cycles, yet not she nor him
did weaken, weary, rest nor lull.

Her dented helm, his hauberk rent.
Blood red the sun to match the sand.
Her last strength, ebbing, ire spent,
triumph at last was in his hand.
Upon her knee, head bowed, eyes blind,
awaited she doom's final stroke.
A whispered voice, to left, behind
she heard, it's words it softly spoke.

Perceiving weakness in his might
the hilts she clutched, her lips apart
swinging one last mighty stroke
from groin, to bowels, to beating heart.
With mouth agape, a stifled cry,
unutterable agony.
So her nemesis did die
upon the shore of westward sea.

And she who claimed the victory
stood staring down upon his face
She spake in words of mystery
that none set foot upon this place
and ancient runes she did employ.
Then turned her back upon the land
her birthright, won, it brought no joy
Her father dead upon the sand


Clickety Clack Space Tap Tap Tap Return

four-thirty of another sleepless night
sirens wail on the highway
fans whir amidst the light snores
the light sounds of clicking and tapping
fill the spaces of emptiness
with a seeming reality
making thoughts coalesce
into nothing but a jumbled mass
to be wiped clean
start again
clickety clack space tap tap tap return
another meaningless bit of fluff
delete
silence except for
the whir of fans and light snores
and a siren wailing on the highway


Common Ground

why do you look at me that way?
need i ask? of course i know
you read my fears like headlines
flashing across the bottom
of your cnn screened television
screaming 'whore! slut!
i know what you've done!'
and i can't help but turn away

so where does that leave us?
strangers without common ground
one look in your eyes tells me
that you know all about
what happened in the barn that day
and all the days and nights
mingled with the blood in between
all i can do is turn and walk away

strangers without common ground
though i have promised to try
and accept what i know of life
will you ever be able
to bring yourself to accept me
with all my faults and all my pasts
the horror entwined with the ecstacy
or, as i am thinking now, will we

never meet at all due to
a lack of common ground


Desecrated Angel

drip
falling
wilted
flower
bends
breaks
tears
drip
immoral
abomination
desecrated
angel
clipped
wings
tears
drip
tarnished
silver
molten
brass
unclean
damned
wilted
flower
tears
drip


Epiphany

O! What dark and brooding demon
Doest thou yet perceive?
Lying abed amidst the down and lace
Eye flitting to the aperture.
'Tis but a shadow of thine own self
Gazing back with baleful eye!


Flash # 1,694,735
(A Taste of Blood)

a harmless accident, really
a taste of blood
and my mind folds in
upon itself once more
carrying me back
pigs!
all of them
and the taste of blood
the feel of its tackiness
against my skin
and they are all there
surrounding me
taunting, jeering
dogs!
piss on it
and the taste of urine
defiles my mouth
coats my vocal cords
making it impossible
even to moan aloud
horses!
slime covered
filth encrusted
lying in the mire
with memories
all because of
a taste of blood


For Kim

She lay there in her bed
the bed she has been confined to for so long
infections burning through her
sick to her bones, cancerous growths
feeling abandoned, utterly alone
despair and resignation are all that remain.
She cries for release from her bondage
wanting her torment to end, to be finally free.
Her whole life has been torment after torment
cruel rituals performed by demonic creatures
the fruit of her womb ripped out
and given up through bloody sacrifice.
Kim, my friend, don't give up all hope
keep that small glimmer alive deep inside of you
because you will find peace, you will be lifted up
out of this life of horror and anguish
you will be made whole again
yours will be a special place in the Kingdom.
He waits, but a little while, before he takes you
because you still have some work to do here,
finish your writing, expose those who
have put you in your current state.
You said last night that everyone gives up on you
after 3 or 4 months, they tire of you.
But I can promise you this, Kim:
I will stand by you, and I believe Lexie will too
as she has always stood by me,
and Stan is a true friend, you are not really alone.
I hope that when my time comes
and my spirit moves from this existence to the next
that you will meet me there, guide me to the place
where we can live without pain or fear
forever
I love you Kim


God Loves A Sacrifice
(A Farewell)

i saw you lying there
dressed in your finest suit
flowers cloyingly sweet
stifle my breath
you were so handsome
your hair neatly combed
so different from the boy i knew
who used to ride dirt bikes
who was always covered with scrapes
cuts and bruises came naturally to you
they were a little different for me
back then
i carried my share of them you know
hidden
i cried when our sister told me
couldn't stop
every time i did
something else would
bring them flowing again
strange isn't it?
that i would cry so much
for someone i had given up knowing
a lifetime ago
it was supposed to be me you know?
years ago
annie says you never blamed me
so why do i blame myself
for her ... for you
for so much more than the
sum of the scars
i met your wife that day too
did you know?
she was beautiful even in grief
we talked
briefly
she said you had spoken of me
not often ... but not unkindly
i thank you for that
even though i know
the things you could have said
how i hated you
hit you
scorned and ridiculed you
and then ran away and left you
i sat numb as the rest went forward
to say their good-byes
and when they were all gone
i went to you
waiting for the tears to come again
reeking stench of lilies and carnations
roses sickening ... overpowering
thoughts ran amok
and i found myself
how much later?
i don't know
lisa was there and annie
i guess i made a scene ...
perhaps it is best
to not remember some things
graveside
i hung back
afraid
embarrassed
overwhelmed
it was supposed to be me you know?
years ago
mom tried to talk to me
i turned away
much as she had
years ago
how do you come home
after a lifetime of hurt?
how do you ever come home again
when nothing is the same
yet nothing has changed?
in the car
my hands held by my child's
how do you tell them
of the things that tear you up inside
until you want to scream
agonies of anguish well up
spill over
defiling the quietly grieving scene
but that's my nature
or my abnormality
shining through once again
now you will lie there
forever but
it was supposed to have been me you know?
years ago
god loves a sacrifice
it was supposed to have been me


I Will Not Succumb
(The Man On My Shoulder)

never ending nights meld into
sea-sickening days
and i am ever adrift
alone, with only you
little demon man
shade of nightmares
and keeper of the chains

i chant my litany
meaningless affirmation
of my guilt
fear and weakness
'i will not'
(i will)
'i will never'
(i always will)

riding tides of froth
incidental losses
seaweed wrapped bodies
washed adrift upon
reflective mica strewn beaches
dead lips whispering
in my left ear

i chant my litany
soulless negation
nightshade laced
fermented bile
'i will not'
(i did)
'i will never'
(i always do)


If I Drink Some More Maybe I Can Forget That I'm On Drugs

meditation medication
brings me to a nice sedation
lethargy and atrophy
negates my antipathy
ablution solution
scour away my resolution
libations sensations
strip me of my reservations
cirrhosis thrombosis
lead me on to my necrosis


In Celebration of Life

we gather here tonight
in celebration of life
under the bloated moon
rancid party favors
moldering in the corner
where the clown sells
powder and spikes
and the pony demands
a ride around the field
when the singers begin
croaking out the tune
and the stench of the
human tallow candles
dripping through my mind
gouts of unshed blood
each carefully wrapped package
a noxious surprise
"remember! remember!"
happy happy birthday
to me


┬┐Intelligent Species?

one year ago
can that be right?
it seems like a lifetime
and it seems like yesterday
senseless actions
devised by fanaticism
if i could i would send a message
to all of the people of the world:
killing will solve nothing
cure nothing
settle nothing
fix nothing
erase nothing
soothe nothing
ease nothing
hate will eat you alive
make you bitter
sap your strength
cause nothing but pain
yet so many are convinced
killing is what we all need to do
muslims need to kill americans and jews
jews need to kill palestinians
americans need to kill terrorists
serbs need to kill croatians
cowboys need to kill indians
blacks need to kill each other
white supremacists need to kill everyone
what the hell are we doing
to god's world?
take my hand now
and take the hand of another
don't worry about race
or religion
nationality
left or right wing
dark skinned or light
red or brown
we are all just people
why can't we act like
the most intelligent species
on this planet?


Outcast

shadows

cars speeding by
fleeting flashes of light
hungry eyes flitting
groping through muck
to live another day
in the shadows

harsh laughter
lashing out like a whip
weals reddening
upon a scarred soul
drive me back
to the shadows

strangers
all look the same
passing under
stuttering streetlamps
moving quickly and
leaving shadows

windows
show silent movies
of fairytale lives
prince and princess
oblivious to the outcast
fading away into shadows

dirt grimed hands
ragged clothes
i walk among them but
do they see me?
or do i only exist
in shadows


Random Flashes of Meaninglessness

dusty roads and alleyways
glimpses into the dark
what happens in your stable?
what crimes have you done
over there betwixt
the car and the fence?
out on the highways
lightening flashes speeding by
and a bullet's whine
brings you back to hell
to hang in the midst
of your own stench
sear away the innocence
of a childhood lost
gone to the dogs
burn away the layers
peel back the flesh
until finally you expose
the ugliness within


Shadow People

The girl cowers in the corner
hands clutching an old and worn
but much loved copy
of the Torah
She is six
She is alone
No one comes to read to her
the stories of the Holy book
Years pass, still she is six
Others have begun to arrive
but they are shadows

She finds herself alone
among shadows in a dark place
confused, she wanders through
the dim corridors
She is twelve
She hears weeping
following the sound
she finds a child, huddled in on herself
weeping, alone and frightened
The child scrunches herself further into the corner
as she approaches
Gently she pulls the girl's hands apart
to see what it is she holds

The older girl awakens
in a world of shadows
frightened, she creeps silently
down the twisting pathways
passing strange shadow people
who cluster together
floating like ghosts
she hears voices ahead
and follows their sound
She comes to a pleasant clearing
and sees a girl of about twelve
holding in her lap
a girl of about six
She is reading to her
stories from the Torah

Together these three survivors
live out their lives
The twelve year old protects them,
as she protects their hostess
from any harm that may threaten
The older girl sits and silently watches
the younger girl as she sleeps
Sometimes the young girl gets frightened
runs and hides among the shadow people
which makes their hostess
shudder in misery with memory

The protector's services aren't required
for a number of years
and they all drift in slumber
among the shadow people
Their hostess lives her life
on the outside
she is twenty-six
and in love

She awakens from her slumber
sensing danger, she is instantly on guard
looks through her hostess' eyes
for the threat that she knows is near
sex is the threat, it has always meant
pain and humiliation
but she has always come forward
to shield her hostess from its ravages
She is confused, she can't see
but she can feel ... something
She comes forward now, a warning
when it goes unheeded, she comes again
a threat this time, serious, harsh
Making her hostess take notice

She is tired, wants to go back to her rest
reading the Torah to the child
as the older girl looks on
She has put in years of service
doing the dirty work for her hostess
keeping her safe, keeping her sane
but now, she wants it to be over
Her hostess wants it to be over too
but until now has been unaware
of the existence of others
within herself
she doesn't know why they are there
and they terrify her

Late at night she sits and talks
to a friend, another survivor
about the shadow people
who dwell inside her mind
during the conversation
The protector begins to talk to her
from inside
She shows her the inner world
her comrades
all born of abuse
all tired of the war
wounded soldiers
hiding among the shadow people
she hears, she sees
now she begins to understand
who these people are
where they came from
why they remain
and what their purpose is

in the morning she will go
and delve into the dark spaces
of her own mind
perhaps, in time, she will at last
be free of the shadow people
and the three inner survivors
will finally be at rest
life will go on
motherhood, work, friendships
and the walking wounded
will be healed at last
and the corridors are clear
of the wandering shadow people


Smoke Scream

Smoke swirls around me like a mist
invading the very core of my being
conjuring visions of a yesterday
that is best left forgotten, buried
Nightmare images of trolls and orcs
run through my mind, rampant, amok
tearing at the thin fabric of reality
and showing me the lunacy that lies beyond
I rise to my feet, too quickly, cough
grab the table for support, shaking
Then I take my daughter's hand and flee
out into the night, a scream half suppressed
forcing its way past my vocal chords
burning my throat raw with its power
and finally bursting out from between my lips
:silence:


The Cycle

Life begins
as the world crashes all around you
you grow
as the people smite you and set you afire
you learn
as the child looks up to you for guidance
you love
as the pieces all come together like a jigsaw
you live
as the sun sets beyond the mountains in winter
you die


There Was a Mole On Your Cheek

there was a mole on your cheek
high up, beside your right eye
your close-cropped blonde hair
sticking up like tiny needles
and the curl of your upper lip
always fascinated me just before
the blows would begin and i
slipped through reality into
the fog bank of agony at your feet

but mostly i remember that mole
high up, beside your right eye
that little spot of color in
an otherwise bland landscape
i held the pistol in my right hand
and thumbed off the safety catch
and gripped with my ebbing strength
pooling up around my ankles
in a quagmire of emotion, emotionless

i aimed at that mole, the one
yes, you know the one
and i prayed to god in heaven
that you would wake up, look into my eyes
as i pulled the trigger and sent you
on the endless flight beyond time's borders
but you slept on, snoring heavily
and i laid the gun beside your pillow
a little reminder of the me you stole away

and yes, i still remember that mole
high up, beside your right eye
do you remember anything of me?
i hope you do, if only one thing
i hope you remember my parting gift
placed gently between the blood stains
and the broken ribs which were
your gifts to me during our nine months
as master and slave, the gift of life

and i sit here and i wonder
if i really did the right thing


Vortex

if i were to tell you
about the things i see
what would your reaction be
and where would i fit within
the grand scale?

listen and you can hear
open your heart and you can feel
too many walk through life
blinded, deafened, unfeeling
is that you?

standing upon the brink
waiting for the final push
i watched as the hordes passed by
never once could i catch an eye
they are turned away

as the wind rose gasping
exhaling its charnel breath
into a miasma of doubt and despair
i bowed my head in sorrow
and wept silently

circling like a thousand crows
manically crying out their woes
reality spins about me
dizzying, nauseating, enthralling
can you see what is there?

deep within the shadowy void
an image barely discernible
yet so sickeningly familiar
with gleeful cackles of triumph
pulls me into the vortex

what is life when all is fear?
who can love when fear is life?