Fear

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Black Wolf's Blood
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Fear

Post by Black Wolf's Blood » Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:14 pm

Fear.
It's like a bitter drug;
Fogging my mind
so I can no longer see.


I gasp,
but can do no more;
The memory has taken
me prisoner,
and it wont release me.

His eyes flashing with
a darkness
that I had no
knowledge of;
The no eleven year old
should have.


Does it ever stop?!
Does it ever go away?!

He steps closer,
talking softly.
But even softly
it echoes loudly
through the near empty
house filled only
with me...
and him.


Oh, Gods!
It's back!
It won’t stop:
The pounding of
my heart;
The unshed tears
burning my eyes;
My voice screaming
for justice.

I hate him!
I had trusted him.
Softly,
he whispers
to me of a desire
he wishes.
'Come with me
and watch this
movie in your
grandmother and
mine's room.'
Something was
terribly wrong;
I could feel it in
my shaking bones.
The fear making me
sick and weak.
My voice quiet
yet not shaky,
'What's the rating?'
'X.'
Oh, god no!
My heart crying out
in terror;
My blood telling
of a warning made
of caution.
'What's it called?'
A slow grin
began to form as
he thought
he won.


No, never!
No man ever
again!
It'll never happen
again!
No one will even
get close
to the inside
of my heart
because betrayal
is always just
around the corner.

'There's many different
names for it.
Most people call it
X.'
'No, thank you,
I'll pass.'
At that moment,
I hated myself
more than ever;
Even in this
moment of pure
hatred, I couldn't
bring myself to be
rude to this
once-trusted person
to whom I've known all my life.


Even now,
going on my
eighteenth year,
I could not shake it;
The fear choking me,
making it so I couldn't speak:
Couldn't find my
breath;
There's no air to
draw.

I try to scream,
but no sound
comes forth.

Slowly he retreats
to the back of the
house,
leaving me by my-
self to choke
on this horrible
weakness.
Eyes wide.
A slow cold
emptiness
fills me;
...
making me
no longer a living
being, but a
shell of what
I once was.


For years later,
I was dead.
No sound coming
forth. The only release
coming from these words
I write.

With dead eyes
I look up as my
mother and
grandmother enter
the house,
returning from
their Christmas
shopping;
Unsuspecting of
the unclean and
cruel act that
was preformed
mere moments
prier their arrival.
I could not scream
out my hate.
Cry out to the
heavens of my
anger;
My pain:
My fear.


Does it ever
go away?
Though it has
been years,
it never really
goes away,
does it?
They say it gets
better with time,
but it really
doesn’t,
does it?
the fear never
really goes away,
does it?
The fear only
gets worse.

As I watch my
grandmother kiss
my grandfather
lovingly in greeting.
As I watch my
mother laugh with
him, I die a little
more,
hating them all.


It'll never happen
again!
I have a voice;
I scream out
my pain.
I've found my words,
and I'll write
my hate.

It'll kill me,
the fear.




copyright Black Wolf's Blood 4/30/07

*******************************

Admin note:
Nominated for Poem of the Week on 6.11.07
In his embrace you found yourself. In his kiss you were born. In his words you learned. In his heart you loved. In his absense you hurt.

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Black Wolf's Blood
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Post by Black Wolf's Blood » Sat Apr 21, 2007 7:53 pm

i reallyreally hate this poem of mine, specifically becuz of the memories it brings up. yes, its a true....thing....it really happened, and i hate talking about it cuz i hate making a big deal out of it wen it really isnt. im sorry its so long, its the longest one i've written, though each line is really short.
In his embrace you found yourself. In his kiss you were born. In his words you learned. In his heart you loved. In his absense you hurt.

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Ericb

Post by Ericb » Fri Jun 01, 2007 2:28 pm

I hav'nt finished reading but I will later...also, I would like to know why I am the only one replying to this poetry???People, open your eyes and read!!! I can bet the my friend here has spent countless hours writing this and no one, other than me and her, has had the decency to reply?! Shame on you guys!!! Okay, sorry to be so melodramatic but poeple, can you not recognize good poetry when you see it...
Last edited by Ericb on Tue Jun 05, 2007 9:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Gillian
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Post by Gillian » Sat Jun 02, 2007 7:37 am

Hi Black Wolf's Blood,

I've nudged this over to the Ravyn's Nest for the same reason Heinzs moved another one of your pieces here.

Best,
Gillian
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heinzs
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Post by heinzs » Sat Jun 02, 2007 9:30 am

Definitely deserves a spot in the Ravyn's Nest.

Some pieces are extremely difficult to write, and many times those same pieces are so powerful that it is even more difficult to put together a response.
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Black Wolf's Blood
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Post by Black Wolf's Blood » Mon Jun 04, 2007 10:47 am

......i dont kno if thats a good thing or a bad thing, but thank u heinzs. adn gillian for informing me it was moved. and eric for nudging them. <grin>
In his embrace you found yourself. In his kiss you were born. In his words you learned. In his heart you loved. In his absense you hurt.

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Ericb

Post by Ericb » Tue Jun 05, 2007 9:41 am

heinzs wrote:Definitely deserves a spot in the Ravyn's Nest.

Some pieces are extremely difficult to write, and many times those same pieces are so powerful that it is even more difficult to put together a response.
Yeah. No offense but I think thats a lame excuse.

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Black Wolf's Blood
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Post by Black Wolf's Blood » Tue Jun 05, 2007 10:44 am

<shrug> everyone's got there reasons, eric.
In his embrace you found yourself. In his kiss you were born. In his words you learned. In his heart you loved. In his absense you hurt.

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thief of dreams
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Post by thief of dreams » Tue Jun 05, 2007 4:52 pm

Ericb wrote:
heinzs wrote:Definitely deserves a spot in the Ravyn's Nest.

Some pieces are extremely difficult to write, and many times those same pieces are so powerful that it is even more difficult to put together a response.
Yeah. No offense but I think that's a lame excuse.
A lame excuse? Hmm. Well with five whole posts I guess it is safe to say that most of us have replied to a few more pieces than you have and should probably not be required to jump up and down as we wag our tails waiting for you to throw us the next bone to chase.

I read almost all of BWB's posts and rarely reply. My reasons are my own and I don't owe you a single explanation as to why.

Answer me this Eric, why would you say, "No offense" and then proceed to offend someone? Makes me wonder who you are trying to help with your comment. Are you trying to help a friend and get more people to leave feedback on her post? Or are you simply trying to let it be known that you stand at her side so that maybe she will notice you? No offense, but it seems a little strange considering you never actually replied to the poem itself.
"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler."
Friedrich Nietzsche

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Black Wolf's Blood
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Post by Black Wolf's Blood » Wed Jun 06, 2007 11:25 am

ooooooo. go, thief! oh, by the way, thief, i wanted to thank u for
I read almost all of BWB's posts
that. i mean it as thank u for reading my stuff.
In his embrace you found yourself. In his kiss you were born. In his words you learned. In his heart you loved. In his absense you hurt.

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nekot
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Post by nekot » Thu Jun 07, 2007 3:20 pm

:crying: :darn: :crying:

Gut wrenching.... other than that I'm speechless, Black Wolf's Blood.

I have compassion and hope that someday your pain (and all who have suffered thus) is somehow honored deeply and you are able to find freedom from this/these gnarled act/acts.

:bow: :bow:


note: In the 3rd stanza should "the NO..." be "that NO..."?
~eloquently scattered~
nekot's tokens

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heinzs
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Post by heinzs » Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:47 pm

I read everything that is posted on this site. I reply to relatively little by comparison to the amount read.

That being said, what could be more appropriate than Nekot's "Gut wrenching.... other than that I'm speechless"?
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An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
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Gingy
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Post by Gingy » Fri Jun 08, 2007 2:36 am

I am a fan of your powerful poetry, and admittedly most of your poetry is extremely powerful!! This one though, nearly had me in tears, and I am reading this at college so it wouldn't have been a good thing to start blubbing!! I cannot believe what you have been through, you are such a strong person to even share it with other people. Though you may not feel strong within yourself, there are always going to be people who are there to help you or if you just want to talk!!

By the looks of things, you've got some pretty good friends on here and obviously in Eric!! lol. So, I too hope that you get at least some relief from the fear and pain you are so obviously feeling.

All the best,
luv Gingy x
People are going to see you, how they want to see you. Everyone is different and unique in their own way. But the people who love you and care about you, are whose opinions really matter.

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Black Wolf's Blood
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Post by Black Wolf's Blood » Mon Jun 25, 2007 11:11 am

thanx, guys! and nekot for letting my kno about that. and gingy, imglas that u like my work. thanx
In his embrace you found yourself. In his kiss you were born. In his words you learned. In his heart you loved. In his absense you hurt.

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Black Wolf's Blood
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Re: **Fear**

Post by Black Wolf's Blood » Thu Dec 06, 2007 5:36 pm

<cocks head to the side> wow, this is an old one of mine
In his embrace you found yourself. In his kiss you were born. In his words you learned. In his heart you loved. In his absense you hurt.

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