I saw Jenn...

A permanent archive dedicated to the memory of Jennifer Sloan. Read The Ravyn's story in poetry and prose. Post your own story or seek help in The Ravyn's Wings forum.

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Moongem
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I saw Jenn...

Post by Moongem » Tue May 16, 2006 7:19 pm

Or, more likely, my 'need' saw her... I am always searching the skies for escape.

It's been a terribly dry winter, here in SoEast Arizona. Yesterday, though, brought clouds screw-balling across the sky. I went to pick up my kids at their respective schools a little after 3:00. As I drove up my dead-end street, the sky to the right started to unfold.

I saw a raven's cloud-head appear, and had to smile, since this is exactly what I had been yearning for! It was projected into a small area of left-over blue sky. As I progressed further, the most amazing sight came into view. This ravyn's head had uplifted, back-furled dove's wings! It made me cry, and laugh, at the same time. I craned my neck to keep the form in view, but, by the time I had collected my older daughter and gotten back into its sight-space, it was gone.

Today, I had to go into my janitorial job early, and, as my co-worker and I took a break to smoke a cigarette outside, the sun was just giving off a faint gleam in the sky over the mountains to the east. A slight sprinkle ensued. The smell was wonderful! Almost enlivening...

Today, right after I picked up the girls and gophered them to the store, sitting in the Tahoe, waiting, the clouds, which had been milling all day, formlessly, brought the first-alert gusty winds, mixing dust with tailings pile particles, half-obscuring part of the townsite. After we drove the short way home, curving back into face of the storm, it started raining.

It was incredible! The moisture of wind-lashed coldness of rain, the drip-drip-wrapping sounds, the sight of birds converging on their tree-homes, the feel of Jenn-a-wing in the clouds, all gave me a sense of a circle, complete.

I hold the weight of Jenn in my mind, always, sometimes it as heavy as an earth, other times, as ethereal as a reality. I doubt I will ever come to terms with my own life and Jenn's life, much less the millions of pain-filled others. But, that's okay. I've always felt Jenn's friendship was a great gift to my searching soul. It's funny, how gifts can turn into prisons, and heavens. Stability is like a whirlwind of adjunct possibilities, squelched.

Again, my Bird of Rainbow Light, talking to, or of you, brings me a certain amount of calm, of less self-felt surreal insanity, I don't know why. Maybe because if you could get through what you did, I can get through me.

Love you, Jennbird.

moonie

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LadySaturn
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Post by LadySaturn » Sat Jun 03, 2006 12:30 am

Hi moonie.. long time no see.. Anyway, this might sound weird but there's a Raven that is always in my backyard and always seems to watch me write while I sit on the deck.. It's like it looks over my shoulder to see what I'm writing and what not.. Well a couple of times, when I scribbled something out I didn't like, it cawwed at me.. I'm starting to think it's Jenn and she's trying to tell me what to write and what not to.. And the funny thing is, I've found myself talking to this bird from time to time.. Is that crazy? :shrug:

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Moongem
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Post by Moongem » Mon Jul 10, 2006 11:59 pm

Hi moonie.. long time no see.. Anyway, this might sound weird but there's a Raven that is always in my backyard and always seems to watch me write while I sit on the deck.. It's like it looks over my shoulder to see what I'm writing and what not.. Well a couple of times, when I scribbled something out I didn't like, it cawwed at me.. I'm starting to think it's Jenn and she's trying to tell me what to write and what not to.. And the funny thing is, I've found myself talking to this bird from time to time.. Is that crazy?
Crazy? Not! I've heard crazier from your planet world, Lady!

It's been two years, now, since Jenn died. Four or so since I first read her story. The difference? Awareness. Jenn gave me death, and hope. She showed me pain doesn't have to rule the soul. I love pain of soul, yet, it wearies me, more than I can explain, without being a hypocrite. Jenn's pain was real, mine is supercilious. Where am I to go? She showed me, with her last words, she showed me I have worth. It is such a precious gift.

I've besmirched her self, with my last life's year, and I feel pretty damn small, to so worry about myself, but, I see she knew, in my fight to find me, she *s* at me still.

What I mean to say, my Lady, is to welcome all birds of a different feather into your life, however weird, however you feel, the worth of language of reaching uncovers such dearths, it cripples as well as strengthens our frontiers...

Shit, do I always have to rhyme? ...

Yours, in any way,

Erin

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