Poetry: Selected Poems (part 2)

[heinzs]

Cauterized

waiting
watching the clock
willing the hands to move
desperation
intense and overwhelming
sifts through my soul
agony
hot searing and bloody
consumes my being and leaves
nothing
absence of substance
wishing for any kind of
emotion
tears that won't fall
heart and mind, body and soul
numb
without pain, without pleasure
i am my own worst
enemy
self destruction, mutilation
creating the wounds and leaving them
cauterized
____________________________________

and such is fate

red haze along the horizon
and the purple of twilight
tinges my face a deathlike hue
as i sit on the porch
and the irises sway
in the gentle evening breeze
but i pay them no heed
my gaze is fixed
one might say fixated
on my wrists
held before me
eyes tracing the diagonals
of rebuilt flesh
not so gentle reminders
of where i come from
and where i am going to
eventually
squirrels chatter
as the dog runs manically
tree to tree in hopes
of catching one unawares
but still my gaze is held
how long has it been?
an eternity it would seem
since the life bearing fluid
poured from these openings
ten years, ten thousand
a million lifetimes and more
yet here they remain
to remind me of that which was
that which is, and that which
will someday be
and such is fate
_____________________________________

escape velocity

a glance over your shoulder
gasping sobs escape
sprung shoes splashing
through puddles of ichor;
the decaying memories
of the past

increasing speed
sides aflame with agony
brushing people aside
in determination to win
this hopeless footrace
weary,spent but finally crossing

the starting line
_____________________________________

Bars and Shackles

stripes fall upon my skin
as the sun rises
a tear slips free
staining the pillow
crisp whiteness surrounds me
and soft footfalls
echo through darkening chambers
within my soul
if i could summon the strength
to raise my fickle hand
i would wipe away the wetness
undo the stitching
that holds the world in thrall
and fade away with the night
but the bondsman has come
rancid breathed spectre
floating across the emptiness
betwixt floor and ceiling
to give his loving caress
to my ankles and forearms
sometime between dinner and sleep
mesh filled glass
filters morning light
onto my glazed pupils
bars and shackles
embrace my body
keeping me alive
for yet another day
_________________________________________

The Burning Desire

youth glows brightly
like fire at midnight
yet damned as quickly
as water extinguishes flame
the roads you choose
are the paths you take
as the fire leads you on
each step taking an iota
of your soul to hell
though you run from
its depths, its darkness
its charnel reek
salvation is what you seek
grasping with both hands
charred fingers slipping
as you plunge once again
into the burning depths
futile attempts at best
for redemption is
not yours to hold
and the glowing embers
caress your skin
where once the hands of men
groped and fondled
twisted into agony
for their pleasure
and creased with rippling scars
to forget is all you ask
the promised peace
an illusion
mocking with open arms
'come forth unto my bosum
and drink of the joy
of life'
but as you run
to be enfolded
within the endless embrace
you fail to see
the pitfalls at your feet
filled with the sullen coals
of your own past
unerringly they reach out
tangling your feet
dragging you back down
into the burning
loathesome agonizing melee
which above all things
torments your mind
and personifies
your deepest desire
as the ash falls
slowly blown by
the gentle summer wind
down into the pit
where all light fails
___________________________________

Where Were You When I Was Falling?

where were you
when i was falling
and my outstretched hand
came in contact
with nothing?

i saw you as i fell
out for a day of shopping
and my outstretched hand
came away as empty
as my stomach

i remember as i climbed
how you would sit back
looking at my outstretched hand
with your sly little grin
creasing wrinkles beside your eyes

now that i have found my way
back into society's good graces
you stand with outstretched hand
expecting me to accept it
with gratitude and rejoicing

but instead i stand
without emotion looking askance
at your outstretched hand
wondering 'where were you
when i was falling?'
_________________________________

A Murder of Crows

crows gather
cawing
raucus laughter
push
knees burned
sandwiched
sudden pain
reflex
jaw clamp
shout
bottle crash
jagged glass
blood gouts
crows caw laughter
taped gauze
reddened sight
he shouts
'let the party
continue'
_______________________

there was a mole on your cheek

there was a mole on your cheek
high up, beside your right eye
your close-cropped blonde hair
sticking up like tiny needles
and the curl of your upper lip
always fascinated me just before
the blows would begin and i
slipped through reality into
the fog bank of agony at your feet

but mostly i remember that mole
high up, beside your right eye
that little spot of color in
an otherwise bland landscape
i held the pistol in my right hand
and thumbed off the safety catch
and gripped with my ebbing strength
pooling up around my ankles
in a quagmire of emotion, emotionless

i aimed at that mole, the one
yes, you know the one
and i prayed to god in heaven
that you would wake up, look into my eyes
as i pulled the trigger and sent you
on the endless flight beyond time's borders
but you slept on, snoring heavily
and i laid the gun beside your pillow
a little reminder of the me you stole away

and yes, i still remember that mole
high up, beside your right eye
do you remember anything of me?
i hope you do, if only one thing
i hope you remember my parting gift
placed gently between the blood stains
and the broken ribs which were
your gifts to me during our nine months
as master and slave, the gift of life

and i sit here and i wonder
if i really did the right thing
_____________________________________

smoke scream

Smoke swirls around me like a mist
invading the very core of my being
conjuring visions of a yesterday
that is best left forgotten, buried
Nightmare images of trolls and orcs
run through my mind, rampant, amok
tearing at the thin fabric of reality
and showing me the lunacy that lies beyond
I rise to my feet, too quickly, cough
grab the table for support, shaking
Then I take my daughter's hand and flee
out into the night, a scream half suppressed
forcing its way past my vocal chords
burning my throat raw with its power
and finally bursting out from between my lips
:silence:
____________________________________________

At the End of the Day

diaphanous wisps trail
like a vaprous bridal veil
atop billowing towers
glowing orange
as the sun points
fading fingers
and out of the corner of my eye
flashes burst white hot
amidst the black shroud above
seventy-one crows
fly out of the south-east
yes i counted every one
fluttering black speckles
upon the pinkening backdrop
and the cottonball tower
becomes a glowing ember
alight from within
edges all aglow, blushing
like a virgin bride
veil trailing detached
breaks apart and drifts
as another glaring white flash
bursts within the wall
of blackness to the south
the breeze lifts my hair
caresses my cheek
before passing on
following the crows perhaps
as the ember fades out
alit no more
so i say good bye
to another day
________________________________________

Lips Touching Lips

lie down beside me
gentle love
and let me taste again
the bliss you bring
to wet my parched
and cracking lips
sweet nectar
drink me, love
my life is yours
be gentle, kind
lips touching lips
together never again
shall we thirst
________________________________

Fly High, Free Spirit

you were always alone
no matter who was with you
lived life on your own terms
breaking from the norm
how i wish i could have done more
but i know that you would not have let me
you always needed
to do it all yourself
and that's ok
that's a good way
to live life
when i think of you i remember
the times we shared
just sitting and
speaking of what could be
what has been
what is now
fly on, free spirit
fly to the heights
that never seemed possible
when you were on the ground
illness held you down
but you are free
you let loose my thoughts
and touched my soul
and i hate to let you go
but these things are not
for us to choose
so fly on, fly high
to where ever souls may go
i smile when i
picture you
soaring
but somehow
i can't keep these tears
from my eyes
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