The Dark Journey - Chapter 6: Aloneness

[The Ravyn]

I suppose I should start this off with a strong warning about subject matter and content. This is a story of childhood sexual abuse, rape, drugs, prostitution, homelessness, slavery and ... eventually ... freedom.

I talk to myself
because no one else listens.
I laugh at myself
because if I didn't I would cry.
I sing to myself
off key and faltering.
No one really cares enough
to ask for the reasons why.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I stumbled and ran through the streets towards my 'home' blinking back the tears. I crawled into my hole and lay down, shivering and moaning out my fear and loss. I cried until I thought I couldn't cry anymore. Then I cried again. Sleep overtook me at some point.

The next day I woke up with a horrible headache. I lit a candle and peered into my scrap of mirror. My face was streaked with dried blood, as were my hands. I looked down at my blouse and saw that it was also covered with blood. I quickly stripped down, rummaged in my pack and dressed in clean clothes.

The last thing that Gus had done was to give me the one thing he had managed to keep the hot-lunchers from taking. Forty-six dollars in crumpled, blood stained bills. As I stashed the money away in my small cubby hole at the back of my place, I felt the tears welling up again. I had known Augustus Blackburn for less than two weeks and yet I felt as if I had known him forever. Now he was dead, killed for a coat a hat and a pair of boots. I was filled with anger and loathing for the two who had done this crime and swore vengeance upon them.

I walked down to the river, keeping my head down and my hands in my pockets so that the blood wouldn't show. I removed my blouse, plunged my hands in the water and showered it upon my face and upper body. I soaped myself up with the bar that Gus had given me last week, stating that while we may be living in destitution, that was no reason to smell offensively. I scrubbed my face and arms for what must have been half an hour, and finally I felt that I was clean enough. Then I washed my hair, rinsed, dried off and dressed.

I discarded the blood stained clothing in a garbage can behind a house about 4 miles from where I was living, and walked slowly back home. It seemed so empty there now without my neighbor. I went to his side of the building, lit a candle, took the Collective Works of William Shakespeare down from the shelf, settled in his half-chair and began to read.

I moved my meager belongings over to Gus' side the next morning. His was so much nicer than mine, and I know he would have wanted me to be comfortable. I went to the store and bought a pound of bacon and half a dozen eggs. As I cooked I thought about that first day when he invited me to breakfast. Tears stung my eyes and I did a terrible job on the eggs, burned the bacon, but it was still a wonderful meal.

I thought about all the things he had told me. The advice and the warnings. One of them had been 'Never become too comfortable in your surroundings, and never stay in one place for too long. You may not know who is watching you. The longer you stay in one place, the more chance there is of someone finding where you live.' I thought about this over and over. I had been here for a month now. How long was too long? Should I be thinking about moving? Where should I go to?

A week after his death I began to scout out new living quarters, as I am sure he would have wanted me to. There were several good prospects, but most of them showed signs of previous habitation. Gus had warned me that if someone had been staying there before, then someone would quite likely come back, or others may find it and move in. In either case it would be dangerous for a pretty, young girl to take such a chance.

Finally I found what I was looking for. Another crawl space under an old warehouse building near the railroad tracks, but not so near as to be frequented by the rail riders, and in just enough of a state of disrepair that it didn't really invite much more than a glance if you were seeking a good shelter. Having learned from the master, I knew how to patch and repair the walls, line them with cardboard, fill the cracks, and make a suitable dwelling. I also now had Gus' cooking utensils, books, flashlight, candles, and about thirty dollars. I was living in the lap of luxury, but I was alone.

[heinzs]

Just so you know, I have a copy of all 27 chapters of this, prologue and epilogue, that you posted back in 2001. Never fear, the story will be retold in all its gruesome detail. So far I don't think there are any changes from that piece... are there?


Pops

[The Ravyn]

hi pops! *s* no i don't think there are any major changes ... maybe fixed some typos or something but most is the same is it was with the exception of (maybe) chapters 10 and 11 which i added some detail to at one point but i can't remember exactly when. thank you for keeping this alive for me *hugz*

[heinzs]

I'll check 10 and 11 against my archive when you get to them.

*hugz* right back at ya!

Pops

[thief of dreams]

didnt you ever think about the rooftops over the apartments? that was the first place my eyes were drawn.. though there wasnt any kind of shelter, you could snuggle up to the huge airconditioners and if you could put up with the noise it was a pretty good place.. didnt have to worry bout people..
sorry, hehe.. but ive been meaning to ask that for a while... a person could have chopped off my legs and arms and i wouldnt have chanced sleeping anywhere near the ground...

[The Ravyn]

terry ... one word: acrophobia

[Berlie]

When I was on the street we called places like these "squats". I had a few i frequented, one was actually IN an overpass. There is a small maintenance entrance into the actual overpass that you can crawl into if you can get the cover off. We had one that pretty safe, had blankets, candles etc in it. Only problem was you got the constant LOUD noise of all the vehicles going over your head.

My own personal one was in someones large overgrown backyard. That worked in the summer time when it was warm and no rain. I had a small mattress set up under some trees and a sleeping bag. There was a gas station on the corner with a bathroom that I used in the morning to wash up in. I liked that one. No one ever came back there and it was nice "camping" out, could listen to the birds and the crickets.

Another summertime favorite of mine was in the yard of a school. They had a big metal shed where they kept all the pole vaulting mats. Simple enough to pick the lock after school was out for the summer and replace it with your own lock and those mats were very comfortable to sleep on.

Even though I have not been on the streets for 15+ years I STILL find myself "scouting" for places that would be good to stay in if i ever found myself on the streets again.