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Where Once Were Four
Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2004 9:08 am
by The Ravyn
as a whirlwind you came
blowing before you
the tatters of our lives
like discarded candy wrappers
lifted and twirled about
then sent flying
across vacant lots
brown with the bleakness
of cold november
unwelcome guest
casting about you
the grief that defines
who you are
single-minded of purpose
to defile all that is good
in the murky tainted water
you have left behind
we now must bathe
soon now you will go
blown upon charnel gusts
that bespeak your legacy
taking with you
our hopes and dreams
you grasp the remnants
of our lives, grinning
where once were four
three only remain
Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 9:05 pm
by cglabb
Truly followed this piece until the last verse? Love the way you write and the intent, just lost this one at the end.
Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 9:06 pm
by JukotoxKanashimi
love the poem i think the poem's about friends leaving because of issues or something????? @__@
Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 9:22 pm
by The Ravyn
thanks! ummm actually it's about dealing with a life threatening illness ... and the probable aftermath
Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 9:27 pm
by JukotoxKanashimi
im sorry i always read things wrong cuz im stupid and insane and most of the ppl here call me a "village idiot"...
Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 9:32 pm
by The Ravyn
lol ... you aren't stupid ... can't say on the 'insane' thingie ... ;o) and it wasn't all that clear to begin with ... even cg didn't quite get it!
Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 5:45 am
by moonflower
sad undertones..written beautifully raven..the explanation of the last verse makes it all the more moving..a touching,wonderful write!..
Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 5:44 pm
by Lurker
Very good, full of sadness
Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 5:53 pm
by Reig.the.Lost
Great write. Sad in everything it entailed but wonderfully written.
Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 10:24 pm
by Lyric
Wonderful piece.
~1
Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 10:32 am
by debab
unwelcome guest
casting about you
the grief that defines
who you are
Ravyn, this very much is right on the mark. To define the impact of illness in a poetic manner is difficult, but this piece is well written.
Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 2:24 pm
by bags123
Ya know I read through this twice just to enjoy the words employed. It conjures all kinds of interesting images other than the one you intended
In my book,.....what fine poetry ought to do.
Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2004 5:49 pm
by The Ravyn
i've been a bit lax in expressing my thanks to you all ... my bad ... i'll try to do better but ... i can't really promise anything
Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2004 6:30 pm
by thief of dreams
but not yet.... NOT YET!!!!!
Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 10:29 pm
by thief of dreams
there may be three that remain now kid, but your words are still finding, touching, and leading people intoa better understanding of all things...