Where Once Were Four

A permanent archive dedicated to the memory of Jennifer Sloan. Read The Ravyn's story in poetry and prose. Post your own story or seek help in The Ravyn's Wings forum.

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The Ravyn
riding the cyclone
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Where Once Were Four

Post by The Ravyn » Sun Jan 18, 2004 9:08 am

as a whirlwind you came
blowing before you
the tatters of our lives
like discarded candy wrappers
lifted and twirled about
then sent flying
across vacant lots
brown with the bleakness
of cold november

unwelcome guest
casting about you
the grief that defines
who you are
single-minded of purpose
to defile all that is good
in the murky tainted water
you have left behind
we now must bathe

soon now you will go
blown upon charnel gusts
that bespeak your legacy
taking with you
our hopes and dreams
you grasp the remnants
of our lives, grinning
where once were four
three only remain
take my hand if you don't know where you're goin' ... i'll understand .... i've lost the way myself ...
j. kaye

whatever you do ... don't click here

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cglabb
Clearwater Poet
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Post by cglabb » Tue Jan 20, 2004 9:05 pm

Truly followed this piece until the last verse? Love the way you write and the intent, just lost this one at the end.
"Always remember you're unique,
just like everyone else"-Anonymous

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JukotoxKanashimi
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Post by JukotoxKanashimi » Tue Jan 20, 2004 9:06 pm

love the poem i think the poem's about friends leaving because of issues or something????? @__@

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The Ravyn
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Post by The Ravyn » Tue Jan 20, 2004 9:22 pm

thanks! ummm actually it's about dealing with a life threatening illness ... and the probable aftermath
take my hand if you don't know where you're goin' ... i'll understand .... i've lost the way myself ...
j. kaye

whatever you do ... don't click here

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JukotoxKanashimi
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Post by JukotoxKanashimi » Tue Jan 20, 2004 9:27 pm

im sorry i always read things wrong cuz im stupid and insane and most of the ppl here call me a "village idiot"...

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The Ravyn
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Post by The Ravyn » Tue Jan 20, 2004 9:32 pm

lol ... you aren't stupid ... can't say on the 'insane' thingie ... ;o) and it wasn't all that clear to begin with ... even cg didn't quite get it!
take my hand if you don't know where you're goin' ... i'll understand .... i've lost the way myself ...
j. kaye

whatever you do ... don't click here

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moonflower
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Post by moonflower » Wed Jan 21, 2004 5:45 am

sad undertones..written beautifully raven..the explanation of the last verse makes it all the more moving..a touching,wonderful write!.. :cool:
inside each soul there is music...let the music play..

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Lurker

Post by Lurker » Thu Jan 22, 2004 5:44 pm

:cheers: Very good, full of sadness

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Reig.the.Lost
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Post by Reig.the.Lost » Thu Jan 22, 2004 5:53 pm

Great write. Sad in everything it entailed but wonderfully written.

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Lyric

Post by Lyric » Thu Jan 22, 2004 10:24 pm

Wonderful piece.


~1

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debab
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Post by debab » Fri Jan 23, 2004 10:32 am

unwelcome guest
casting about you
the grief that defines
who you are
Ravyn, this very much is right on the mark. To define the impact of illness in a poetic manner is difficult, but this piece is well written.
>><<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<:::>><<

...Yet the stones remain less real to those who cannot
name them, or read the mute syllables graven in silica.
To see a red stone is less than seeing it as jasper—
metamorphic quartz, cousin to the flint the Kiowa
carved as arrowheads.
To name is to know and remember
_____________'Words', Dana Gioia







~*~

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bags123
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Post by bags123 » Fri Jan 23, 2004 2:24 pm

Ya know I read through this twice just to enjoy the words employed. It conjures all kinds of interesting images other than the one you intended
In my book,.....what fine poetry ought to do. :book:
I prefer to keep an open mind,....but not so much that my brains fall out.- Carl Sagan
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart


Poet of the Month
March 2011

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The Ravyn
riding the cyclone
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Tag line: We miss you Jen
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Post by The Ravyn » Mon Mar 08, 2004 5:49 pm

i've been a bit lax in expressing my thanks to you all ... my bad ... i'll try to do better but ... i can't really promise anything
take my hand if you don't know where you're goin' ... i'll understand .... i've lost the way myself ...
j. kaye

whatever you do ... don't click here

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thief of dreams
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Post by thief of dreams » Mon Mar 08, 2004 6:30 pm

:cry: but not yet.... NOT YET!!!!! :mrgreen:
"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler."
Friedrich Nietzsche

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thief of dreams
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Post by thief of dreams » Thu Feb 02, 2006 10:29 pm

there may be three that remain now kid, but your words are still finding, touching, and leading people intoa better understanding of all things...
"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler."
Friedrich Nietzsche

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