Never Knowing

[The Ravyn]

my little love i don't know how
i can carry on this way
sometimes as i look at you
i see his face returning my gaze
but more worrying still, dear one
when you speak, at times
i hear my own words come forth
and it is a terrifying thing
i have said to myself numerous times
that i am glad you will never know
the man who donated the sperm
which led to your being
but lately i have been considering
that perhaps never knowing your mother
would have been just as beneficial

[Aschmutt]

oh jenn, how those last two lines saddened me. do you really think your child would be better off not knowing his own mother? why? the mother-child bond is irreplaceable, and i can't imagine you not loving your child to death. i like the thought put into this poem, but don't beat yourself up with "what ifs." take care of you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="smile.gif" />

<small>[ 07-27-2003, 03:17 PM: Message edited by: Aschmutt ]</small>

[ehli'schild]

i feel the same way when i look at my kids. i know our situations are not exactly the same, but he's a freak none the less (my ex, yours too). no, it would not have been just as beneficial. you're a beautiful person, how could she be better off? oh, i think that all the time too, of my kids, but i also believe that things happen the way they are supposed to happen, and you we meant to be your daughter's mother, just as i am to my sons. god, parenting is hard, huh? especially when (if you're like me) you wonder if you'll ever get your own shit together. we all just do the best we can. and most of the time we guilt ourselves into believing the hype we've been fed by said exes about not being good enough, but if you're even trying, you're good enough.

well, big reaction to a POEM again, i'm sure you don't think that 24/7, but i know how hard it is too. you're not alone. even though it feels that way at times. sorry if i'm coming off trite, don't mean it that way at all.

[The Ravyn]

thanks you two! yes it is very hard ... mostly within my own mind ... because of things in the past ... but i always try for the best. no i don't think that way all the time ... i just have my moments and that was one of them ... things look brighter in the day than they do in the dark of night ... ya know? anyway thanks again for reading and understanding *s*

[thief of dreams]

i have absolutley positively, no idea what this would be like, would it feel like a blade of glowing hot iron shoved into your chest and twisting everytime you thought to cry? my gods J. you gotta tell your own mind to fuck off sometime and just live. im not gonna say its a bad thing to hurt, cause sometimes it is a great relief when later on you look back and realize that the single most important thing you ever did, was hold her hand some dark night when she felt all alone... it doesnt matter about anything else. clothes, money, food, as long as your hand is always there to comfort, to re assure, you have nothing to worry about...
t.o.d.
besides, your a kick ass mom and just dont know it...

[heinzs]

[Debbie]

her poem is so sad...I'm glad her child got to know the woman her mother with the strength and courage to survive..for her baby.. and for herself...
and today brings strength to others..