insurrection. enneasyllabic form

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Reverse Sminkie
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insurrection. enneasyllabic form

Post by Reverse Sminkie » Sun Feb 13, 2005 8:45 am

Hello:

I have been told this piece follows a syllabic meter called enneasyllabic (nine syllables). It would appear that pure syllabic meter is comparatively rare in English, though more common in imported forms such as the Japanese haiku. I have to admit, though, I wrote it just with trying to keep to some formal structure and decided that would be 9 syllables per line and went no further than that. I will probably keep this in its original form but re-work another version with an attempt to follow iambic tetrameter or even pentameter.

insurrection


while gods recline in slumbers, golden,
frail humans toil, their days beholden;
and puny man he walks in shadow,
Injustice is his bread to swallow.
his daily struggles pass by, unseen
beneath the gods' ambrosial dreams
that hover, soft as clouds caressing
Olympic heights 'neath rosy blessings
(last of an impassioned sun's last rays),
fi'ry herald of swift dying days.

on the passing whims of jealous gods
meddling with man's clay, his unformed clods,
human life depends; how thin the cord
when man dangles from Fate's fickle sword.
each swing's misfortune brings him closer,
Luck's double-edge bites hard; exposure's
equipotential...should then we seek
to loose these bonds? force the link that's weak
with nothing but our wits to catch us?
or offer, still, to vain Olympus?

oh, how quickly should these gods grow bored,
neglected if not, by man, adored!
without their pawns to move in intrigue,
their hold on man (their toy to aggrieve)
would disappear as mists of morning
flee before the silent, bright warming.
would great Zeus without his altars be
lord of sky? thundering deity?
banish them to some Elysian spot;
let us celebrate our mortal lot!





the smink

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Ven
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Post by Ven » Sun Feb 13, 2005 9:22 am

Nice work Smink ! :thumbsup:
.


"Forever is short thought when your skipping this close to the edge".

Ven's MYSPACE
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Richard taylor

Post by Richard taylor » Sun Feb 13, 2005 11:07 am

outstanding, quite beautiful the form is sound the struture excellent.
Great start please keep posting and welcome.
richard.

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IfOnly...IfOnly...
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Post by IfOnly...IfOnly... » Sun Feb 13, 2005 2:46 pm

:bump:
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
-Groucho Marx

Reverse Sminkie
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Joined: Sat Feb 12, 2005 2:02 am
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Post by Reverse Sminkie » Mon Feb 14, 2005 1:19 am

thanks guys for your kind comments :) this board will teach me some new tricks I'm sure

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