My fucked up life

[kylvel]

From the second I was born, I knew I wasn't wanted
I was left by my dad; for a fatherly influence I hunted
My mother got married before my memory
This man, Scott, decided to adopt me
I felt nothing but love for a few years
Unlucky for me, it all shifted gears
My mother and father would constantly fight
Over something stupid, like who left on the light
My mom tried hard to change his attitude
I get my anger from him, at a high altitude
Finally after a year, Scott filed for divorce
He wanted to keep me, luckily I was taken by force
When the initial fighting started, I was subtly abused
I was hit over the head by a shovel; I felt so used
This went on for three years of my life
I hated Scott so much, I wanted to plunge a knife
Right between his fucking ribs
And I'd pray that the bastard lives
A brief moment of pain and suffer
I'd end the bullshit dealt by me and my mother
Finally Scott decided he didn't want his son
Instead of saying anything, he was a coward; he decided to run
He now lives in a city in Nevada
My life still is fucked because I've never had a
Father to teach me to become a man
Instead, I've gotten two bastards who picked up and ran
It should be a crime
To be grown at the age of nine
But I was by then
My childhood came and went
My biological father, Rick, does every drug
I met him one time and never received a hug
He's gone to rehab every two years of the time I've been here
He's also an alcoholic, who strictly drinks beer
I've never gotten the love I thought I deserve
I've told Scott and Rick this; I know my voice was heard
I've never been good enough for a soul on this Earth
I've been left and excluded, even since my birth
Never have I once thought of myself as great
Instead I replaced confidence with high levels of hate
Fuck anyone who thinks I'm a good person
If you lived my life you too, would be hurting
As I was being abused my photographic memory kicked in
I remember every instance, Scott chewed Copenhagen
I was hit every day when I was eight through ten
I'm just lucky all that shit was put to an end
I still dream and have flashbacks of it every week
And in these flashbacks I feel imminently weak
Fuck my life, it has sucked so far
I was once a human baseball bat; my face was beat against a car
I'll never recover this, so fuck what you think
If I had nothing to live for I'd be dead faster than your eye can blink
Forever more I'll have my childhood scars
Writing this poem has been immensely hard

[heinzs]

Writing about and acknowledging this is a step along the road. There is no destination, just the journey. I'd like to see what else you can come up with and if you can develop other viewpoints.

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