Feeling Low

[kylvel]

Lately, I’ve just been so fucking depressed
I’ve thought about popping one into my chest
Anything to get away from the shit I face day to day
Anything to fix my high levels of hate
Fuck this life, fuck this place
I’m tired of pretending it’s all great
Honestly I can’t wait to get away
From this shit
I can’t explain how tired I am of it
Everything I thought I had
Went away, just like my dad
I only have a few good friends left
And I love them to death, fuck the rest
I can feel everyone getting tired of listening to me
And my bitching; I know that they’re just waiting
For me to shut my whiney fucking mouth
Only one person has managed to figure me out
Nobody knows what I deal with
They think I’m just some crybaby bitch
I’ve lost any conscious I still kept
I don’t give a fuck of what anyone says
Nobody can comprehend my mother fucking life.
Nobody knows what I can do with a knife
My dad left me before I was born
Masking my pride is the only mask I’ve ever worn
I was abused for three years by someone who I loved
Ever since then, I’ve lost my love
It won’t come back no matter how hard I try
Almost every night I lay up and try to cry
But I can’t, because I feel nothing
How little emotion I have is almost funny
For anyone who has ever told me to get over my past
I’ll bend over and you can kiss my white ass
Walk a few hundred miles in my shoes
Then you’ll know if we made a bet, your ass would lose
Everyone I’ve ever loved has left my at one time
I hate myself so much, I forget suicide is a crime
I only have three things that keep my going
Are my family who still loves me
The second thing is my amazing friends
If they stick with me I’ll keep them to the end
If I decided to take my soul
I would want my friends to know I’ve loved them with my whole
Heart and just before my death
I’d tell them I love them with my dying breath
My third reason is my need to prove everyone wrong
And evidently I can’t do that if I’m gone
I’ll show the world what it’s like to fuck with me
I won’t give them the satisfaction to watch me bleed
I’m going to take everyone by storm
The only thing I need is love to keep me warm
They’ll call my hurricane Kyle
My effects will be here for awhile
Everyone will be proved otherwise
If I was a storm, I’d spare nobody’s life
I’m bipolar and I can’t control emotion
Sometimes I wonder if the world would be better if I died in the ocean
I was only mildly bipolar at first
Now it all has taken a turn for the worst
When I get a headache I punch my forehead
I punched my nose and it bled
I didn’t know I did any of those things until it was too late
I can’t begin to describe my exclusive hate
I clawed my chest from an itch
I’m getting real fucking tired of this shit
I have my own DNA under my fingernails
I have scars, that shit hurts like hell
I’m obsessive compulsive my food can’t touch
I can’t step on cracks in the sidewalk or touch other people’s food. It’s such
a bitch to deal with all the time
I can’t touch my foot to a line
If I didn’t have my three things I mentioned before
I’d die with a gun to my head and blood galore
I shouldn’t have dealt with everything I did
But I had to, I did and now I’ll go on and live.

[Sebastian Autumn]

Wow. I can't express how much this affected me. Emotions are practically bleeding off the page. It's incredible.

A powerful write, kylvel.

I hope you always have the love that keeps you going.

[kylvel]

Thank you so much. I was worried people would think it was stupid..