Undeserving

[heartstrong]

These wounds are still raw after all this time
They ache at night when I start to believe I’ve forgotten
Every little mistake from those weeks
And every little tear I’ve cried to wash it away
The truth is, it never left

I cry at random moments when I see my reflection
I do not know who it is in the mirror anymore
It is hard to wake up every morning now
It was hard to open my eyes back then
I was so blind to it all

I’m so young and I understand so little
How can I possibly ask for help,
When I do not know how?
No one will understand, and everything goes the wrong way
Why should I rhyme when I try to make sense?
These words refuse to be arranged

I know it is wrong to leave these marks on my skin
But I cannot find another way to keep from cutting
The pain doesn’t dull anything, so I shouldn’t leave scars
It’ll only show the world what I’m going through
It is best that they do not know I am broken

I try so hard to be perfect, but I know it is in vain
Every day I write my heart out but erase my words
They cannot display anything correctly anymore
But they never did, now did they?
I can never be good enough for myself
I don’t understand why I bother trying

There are so many things that I wish I could say
I’ve broken so much but I can’t repair it with tape
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I truly am sorry
But my thoughts only echo inside my head
No one wants to hear me cry some stupid sob story

If only they could understand because then they would help
I wouldn’t cry in the middle of the night anymore
I wouldn’t type on sleepless nights only to continue
To wear away the backspace bar with my finger

But if I want to make it all better, why don’t I try?
I am afraid of what they will say
They will laugh and scream at me for being stupid
For being naive and only wanting to make things better for myself
I fear that they will not understand what I say to them
Just as I toss away my work for being inadequate

I feel so confused sometimes
Why am I so depressed? But the answer is right in front of me
It comes back when I think I have forgotten it for good
It wears me away for not being what I’ve dreamed of
It makes me cry until I feel so sorry for myself that I stop
Maybe it would be better just to end it for good
There’s no point in going on about something so worthless
They will only continue to misunderstand

Help

[Milk White Chocolate]

Your poem really touched me!
It can feel all the difficulty in feeling misunderstood and turning it against one'self.
It makes me sad because I know how it feels to be confused, wounded by life and others and fighting a battle alone. But luckly...with time and love our wounds eventually heal.
A very nice write...

[heinzs]