I'll be Waiting...

Forum to feature the younger poets. There is some amazing talent here!

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Hiyu
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I'll be Waiting...

Post by Hiyu » Sat Feb 03, 2007 6:22 am

It's... cold
Million layers of clothing
Billion light years from candles
But still...
It's cold...

Am i freezing to death?
I have no disease...
I just can't think of my rhymes...
I know I'm not running out of time...

Yet, it's still cold...

A stroll in the park of snows...
Look at those couples walking side by side!
Such thin-layered clothing...
But why aren't they freezing?

Two trees holding hands...
That white ice covering their trunks...
Their roots, the leaves...
But why aren't they dead from these low degrees?

And me?
I'm still wearing
My million layered jacket
Surrounded by billion lightyears illuminating from the candles...
Yet...

I feel cold...

I can't shiver
I can't shake
I can't feel nor sense!
It's just...
I'm cold...
Dead without even being dead...

Hell isn't supposed to be cold, right?
It's supposed to be fiery and burning...
But then...
Without someone to hug me...
My hell is the worst hell of all nightmares...
Last edited by Hiyu on Mon Feb 05, 2007 4:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
Action is what differentiates reality from fantasy.

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Gillian
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Location: Ontario, Canada

Re: I'll be Waiting...

Post by Gillian » Sat Feb 03, 2007 7:48 am

Hiyu wrote:It's... cold
Million layers of clothing
Billion light years from candles
But still...
It's cold...

Am i freezing to death?
I have no disease...
I just can't think of my rhymes...
I know I'm not running out of time...

Yet, it's still cold...

A strall in the park of snows...
Look at those couples walking side by side!
Such thin-layered clothing...
But why aren't they freezing?

Two trees holding hands...
That white ice covering their trunks...
Their roots, the leaves...
But why aren't they dead from this low degrees?

And me?
I'm still wearing
My million layered jacket
Surrounded by billion lightyears illuminating from the candles...
Yet...

I feel cold...

I can't shiver
I can't shake
I can't feel nor sense!
It's just...
I'm cold...
Dead without even being dead...

Hell isn't supposed to be cold, right?
It's supposed to be fiery and burning...
But then...
Without someone to hug me...
My hell is the worse hell of all nightmares...
Really good things going on here Hiyu. Just a couple of edits you might want to make.

"Strall" = Stroll
"...from this low degrees" - perhaps you meant to say from 'these' low degrees.

Anyway, just wanted to say how much I enjoyed this.

Gillian
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Hiyu
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Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 10:36 pm
Location: philippines
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Post by Hiyu » Mon Feb 05, 2007 4:29 am

oh thanks for that errors gillian!! im very glad u liked this poem... :D
Action is what differentiates reality from fantasy.

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IfOnly...IfOnly...
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Post by IfOnly...IfOnly... » Wed Mar 21, 2007 10:35 am

This was extremely good.

Wow is all I can say. :bow:
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
-Groucho Marx

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Hiyu
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Location: philippines
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Post by Hiyu » Fri Mar 23, 2007 4:30 am

thanks very much for that reply... it really flattered me! :)
Action is what differentiates reality from fantasy.

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TheMillionHope
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Location: Ca, USA

Post by TheMillionHope » Fri Mar 23, 2007 9:55 am

the last line gave me the chills, ...words like images
“Don't listen to friends when the Friend inside you says 'Do this.'” -Go Ghandi!

“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers” -Voltaire

"True friends stab you in the front" -Go Oscar Wilde!

“To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.” -Go Mark Twain!

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Hiyu
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Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 10:36 pm
Location: philippines
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Post by Hiyu » Sat Mar 24, 2007 12:04 am

hehe... i liked the last line so myself... thanks!!! :)
Action is what differentiates reality from fantasy.

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Hiyu
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Location: philippines
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Re: I'll be Waiting...

Post by Hiyu » Fri Jan 16, 2009 9:06 pm

just thought to bump this. :) :bump:
Action is what differentiates reality from fantasy.

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