On the Other Hand (thank you ven :) )

Forum to feature the younger poets. There is some amazing talent here!

Post Reply
User avatar
bren

On the Other Hand (thank you ven :) )

Post by bren » Sat Jan 27, 2007 10:23 am

Your kisses, once mended and cleansed my wounds
now infect me
Your knife, once exposed your soul to me
now in my back
Your words, once something of beauty, to escape with
now cut right through my chest
Your pain, once saddened me, I shared it with you
now makes me rejoice


My thoughts, once made me smile, happy
now break my heart
My eyes, once glowed with joy, passion
now dull, gazing into space
My smile, once white, permanent and a welcome sight
now no longer exists
My heart, once jumped at the sight of you
now no longer beats.


this is my first post on this site and im just looking for some criticism and some help with the title. anything is appreciated, thanks :grin:
Last edited by bren on Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Ven
Forum Admin - and Closet Hippie
Posts: 754
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2002 12:01 am
Location: Wales U.K.
Contact:

Post by Ven » Sat Jan 27, 2007 11:18 am

Hello Bren, welcome to the Poetry Pages. I enjoyed your first post and look forward to seeing more. How about " On the Other Hand " for a title ? :grin:
.


"Forever is short thought when your skipping this close to the edge".

Ven's MYSPACE
___________________

Google this number; 1905363966

.

User avatar
bren

Post by bren » Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:50 pm

sounds amazing :) i really like it thanks for the idea!

User avatar
heinzs
The Fat Cat
Posts: 8300
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
Tag line: Do no harm
Location: Novato, CA
Contact:

Post by heinzs » Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:33 am

:cool: :cool:
**************************************
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
Image
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started

User avatar
Ven
Forum Admin - and Closet Hippie
Posts: 754
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2002 12:01 am
Location: Wales U.K.
Contact:

Post by Ven » Sun Jan 28, 2007 3:15 am

Your welcome :grin:
.


"Forever is short thought when your skipping this close to the edge".

Ven's MYSPACE
___________________

Google this number; 1905363966

.

User avatar
heinzs
The Fat Cat
Posts: 8300
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
Tag line: Do no harm
Location: Novato, CA
Contact:

Re: On the Other Hand (thank you ven :) )

Post by heinzs » Sat May 21, 2011 4:30 pm

:grin:
**************************************
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
Image
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started

Post Reply

Return to “Teen Spirit”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest