Pieces of a soul

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heartstrong
Clearwater Poet
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Joined: Sat Apr 01, 2006 3:37 pm
Location: New Jersey

Pieces of a soul

Post by heartstrong » Sat Apr 01, 2006 3:47 pm

She had built up walls and cut herself,
She cried herself to sleep,
She felt alone and hopeless,
Being in a hole so deep,
She watched them pass and laugh at her,
She fought tears each day,
She was a fallen angel,
She had been thrown away,
She watched the dancing shadows,
Upon her bedroom wall,
She stared blankly out the window,
She silently watched the rain fall,
The drops like her tears,
Falling, falling, hitting the ground,
She was completely broken,
Her pieces scattered, never found,
She seemed so familiar,
I knew who she wanted to be,
I knew everything about her,
I knew this because she is me.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

~Albert Einstein

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heartstrong
Clearwater Poet
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Location: New Jersey

Post by heartstrong » Sat Apr 01, 2006 4:33 pm

This is one of my "not so good" poems. I'm just wondering what kinds of replies I'll get to it. :critique:
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

~Albert Einstein

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heinzs
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Post by heinzs » Sat Apr 01, 2006 5:17 pm

heartstrong wrote:This is one of my "not so good" poems. I'm just wondering what kinds of replies I'll get to it. :critique:
A disclaimer is never necessary. You may judge your own poetry differently than your readers. Let us make up our own minds.

Generally at the Poetry Pages we do not "rate" poetry as "good" or "not so good". Every topic is accepted and read on its own merits.

Welcome to the Poetry Pages. So let's see what others have to say...

:thumbsup:
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heartstrong
Clearwater Poet
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Post by heartstrong » Sat Apr 01, 2006 6:00 pm

Thanks. I write a lot and I'm used to judging my writing by comparing it to my other pieces. I enjoy criticism. :grin:
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

~Albert Einstein

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Debbie
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heartstrong

Post by Debbie » Sat Apr 01, 2006 6:03 pm

hello heartstrong...I enjoyed your poem...as lovely as it was....I felt your pain etched in the lines... :bow:
Welcome to the Pages by the way...I'm so happy to have you come aboard and I do look forward to reading more of your work....

:hello:
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foreverflame
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Location: Deeply perceiving outside of myself.

Post by foreverflame » Tue Dec 05, 2006 10:32 am

I've always liked the "conscious" style of poetry, talking to oneself or talking about oneself like from another perspective.

I guess, it seems, we pull close to ourselves when no one else pulls us close.

Well expressed.
"Born into
these crooked ways.
I never even asked to come,
so now I'm living in the days.
I struggle and fight
to stay alive,
hoping that one day
I earn my chance to die..."
- Goodie Mob

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heartstrong
Clearwater Poet
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Location: New Jersey

Post by heartstrong » Sun Dec 10, 2006 6:59 am

I'd forgotten about this one. Wow, how times have changed. Thank you for your kind comments. :hello:
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

~Albert Einstein

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Jimi
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Post by Jimi » Mon Dec 18, 2006 5:37 pm

The way you have effectivly written about yourself in the third person has worked for me. It captures a feeling of looking in on yourself and examining things from a more objective stand point. To me you have shown a realisation of the poet coming to terms with who they are and what they are doing to themselves. Your ability to sympathise with your own situation and not deny it.

The metre of the poem becomes a little confused as the poem progresses but this is a minor critisism of what is esentially an enjoyable read.

//Jimi
Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash.
(Leonard Cohen)

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heartstrong
Clearwater Poet
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Post by heartstrong » Mon Dec 18, 2006 7:48 pm

One of my first. I don't know how this got bumped, but thank again to everyone for their kind replies. :grin: A little criticism never hurt anybody. Thanks for reading, Jimi.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

~Albert Einstein

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psychotic pretender
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Re: Pieces of a soul

Post by psychotic pretender » Mon Feb 04, 2008 6:23 pm

:bump:

just found this one

and i must say that i like it lots

i never have really been able to master writing about myself in third person

glad to see someone who has been successfull

excellent write, excellent read
/My first thought was, he lied in every word,
That hoary cripple, with malicious eye
....
......................................
...... And yet
Dauntless the slug-horn to my lips I set,
And blew. ``Childe Roland to the Dark Tower came.''

Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came

Robert Browning 1812-1889

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poetgirl122
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Re: Pieces of a soul

Post by poetgirl122 » Wed Feb 06, 2008 6:20 am

not so good?please, this was a gerat poem, and had a strong massage. loved it. :thumbsup:
***Im stronger than the strongest drug you ever had. Mix them all together and i'd still be twice as bad. I know you wants some more.***

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heartstrong
Clearwater Poet
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Location: New Jersey

Re: Pieces of a soul

Post by heartstrong » Sat Feb 16, 2008 5:23 pm

Aw, thanks so much. :hearts:
Wow, this thing is ancient. Feels like I wrote it in another lifetime. Maybe I did. :grin:
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

~Albert Einstein

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leapster

Re: Pieces of a soul

Post by leapster » Sat Feb 16, 2008 8:06 pm

this is a very good poem i enjoyed alot i know where its comeing from that pain that is spoke of so keep up the work and dont be so hard on yourself

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