Snowflakes

Forum for your haiku, senryu, tanka, sijo and other short subjects of a general nature of 40 words or less.

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Eternum 1
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Snowflakes

Post by Eternum 1 » Thu Nov 17, 2005 11:13 pm

Close your eyes
under falling snow

Feel each crystal
become a tear

How many tears
fall in silence
on the earth below

Count the snowflakes
and you'll know.
Last edited by Eternum 1 on Sun Sep 21, 2008 2:10 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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negatvone
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Post by negatvone » Thu Nov 17, 2005 11:28 pm

That is beautiful, ET. Awesome! I wish it would snow here.
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Eternum 1
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Post by Eternum 1 » Fri Nov 18, 2005 2:44 am

Thanks Jim.
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moonflower
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Post by moonflower » Fri Nov 18, 2005 8:54 pm

this is beautiful ET..feels soft and peaceful ..just like falling snowflakes..i love it!.. :grin:
inside each soul there is music...let the music play..

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Eternum 1
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Post by Eternum 1 » Fri Nov 18, 2005 10:09 pm

Tender words and loving thoughts. Thanks Moonflower.
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Debbie
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ET

Post by Debbie » Sat Nov 19, 2005 3:49 pm

Sometimes I catch them on my tongue...this is so touching ET...
I could feel the snowflakes falling on my cheeks and I'm in the house...
so lovely :bow: :bow: :thumbsup:
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ninian
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Post by ninian » Sat Nov 19, 2005 5:59 pm

i quite like the feel of this one ET...the sensation of snowflakes gently falling, you know the kind i mean the huge flakes that are glittery and soft....your words give one that feeling...

nicely done

n.
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Eternum 1
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Re: ET

Post by Eternum 1 » Sun Nov 20, 2005 6:42 pm

Debbie wrote:Sometimes I catch them on my tongue...this is so touching ET...
I could feel the snowflakes falling on my cheeks and I'm in the house...
so lovely :bow: :bow: :thumbsup:
Thats what you get, living in a teepee.

J/k thanks Deb :hello:
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Eternum 1
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Post by Eternum 1 » Sun Nov 20, 2005 6:47 pm

ninian wrote:i quite like the feel of this one ET...the sensation of snowflakes gently falling, you know the kind i mean the huge flakes that are glittery and soft....your words give one that feeling...

nicely done

n.
Yeah the kind that actually land like a feather and blow off the surface of your car instead of sticking.

The inuit have a plethora of names for the different forms of snow. Only a northern lass would have picked up on that.

thanks Nin,

:hello:
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ninian
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Post by ninian » Sun Nov 20, 2005 8:41 pm

Eternum 1 wrote:The inuit have a plethora of names for the different forms of snow. Only a northern lass would have picked up on that.

thanks Nin,

:hello:
true....and you have to know, living in Manitoba, this Northern lass knows all the different kinds of snow....i wish we had as many names for them...

n.

:hello:
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Eternum 1
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Post by Eternum 1 » Mon Nov 21, 2005 2:59 am

I agree it's a shame we don't have a appreciation for natures diversity that the so called 'Uncivilized' hold. Our superstitions and fears of nature have always been irrational. Look at our myths about monsters, daemons and witches etc, always based on fear of nature, requiring rampant burning and destruction of the eco-system.

So called rational people still panic and get lost a mile from cities of a million population (eg.north shore Vancouver). Nature requires a little more then a cell phone and an SUV to appreciate the terrain without getting lost like a fool.

I'm having second thoughts about L2 V3 ,maybe "fall in silence" would keep the meter true?

regards,

ET
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Post by me and the king » Tue Nov 22, 2005 7:29 am

i like the feeling of your poem
as i like eat the snow,also

when it comes as a nise phenomenon of nature
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ninian
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Re: Snowflakes

Post by ninian » Tue Nov 22, 2005 9:07 am

Eternum 1 wrote:<center>Close your eyes
under falling snow

Feel each crystal
become a tear

How many tears
fall in silence
on the earth below?

Count the snowflakes
and you'll know.
you know, i think you're right...i like the line "fall in silent weeping" but using "fall in silence" is cleaner...no repetition (tears in the previous line and weeping in this line) and metrically better...

i really do like the feeling this poem sets in me....a quite peacefulness tinged with melancholy...

nin
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Eternum 1
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Post by Eternum 1 » Tue Nov 22, 2005 3:24 pm

Thanks Nin. Amended to suit. Maybe I'll enroll in one of your classes after you start teaching. You'll recognise me easily, the big guy leering in the back :mrgreen:
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ninian
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Post by ninian » Tue Nov 22, 2005 6:54 pm

lol

as i'm hoping to teach 11 to 13 year olds, i'm sure i'll notice you :mrgreen:
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