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The Last Curtain Call

Posted: Mon Apr 01, 2013 10:29 pm
by midnight_kitty_kat
Thanks for the tip about the "So what is haiku anyways?" thread, I found it to be very helpful. I also checked out the forum explaining all the different types of form poetry which were also very informative. So without further ado... my first attempt at a rictameter!

Smiling
never happens now.
Beautiful your fallen
eyes hold no love for this failure.
This poor disgrace, standing alone waiting for
the last curtain call, the ending.
Crumbling inside I
slowly turn away,
smiling.

I hope I counted all the syllables right!

Re: The Last Curtain Call

Posted: Mon Apr 01, 2013 11:25 pm
by heinzs
Count the syllables again. should be:
2
4
6
8
10
8
6
4
2
:mrgreen:

EDIT*LINE 6

Posted: Mon Apr 01, 2013 11:59 pm
by midnight_kitty_kat
Hahaha oh my gosh, it's been some years since I've done this, I think I've fixed it. Of course if I've miscounted again, I'm going to blame it on the late hour. I saw where my mistakes were and I had to change some of the words.

Smiling
never comes now.
Beautiful, your fallen
eyes hold no love for this failure.
This poor disgrace, standing alone waiting
for the last curtain call, the end.
Inside I am crumbling
hiding my tears.
Smiling.

Re: The Last Curtain Call

Posted: Tue Apr 02, 2013 5:38 pm
by heinzs
I would normally consider "crumbling" as two syllables (crum-bling), though poetically it can be streeeeeetched to 3 (crum-bl-ing) :thumbsup:

Re: The Last Curtain Call

Posted: Tue Apr 02, 2013 6:43 pm
by midnight_kitty_kat
heinzs wrote:I would normally consider "crumbling" as two syllables (crum-bling), though poetically it can be streeeeeetched to 3 (crum-bl-ing) :thumbsup:
Oh I must've been strectching. Easily fixed, I will edit it to say "Inside I am crumbling" :cool:

Re: The Last Curtain Call

Posted: Tue Apr 02, 2013 11:39 pm
by heinzs
:cool: