incomplete?

[heinzs]

This is one I started a long time ago but never had the inspiration to finish, or maybe it is finished. Your comments and suggestions are welcome.

The Night

Darkness flows down the mountainside
and pools in the valley glen,
thickening until tangible, oppressive.
Wind whispers through the trees
deceptively gentle, alluring.

In the moonless night stars vie
to be the brightest object in the sky.

Under Saturn's silent gaze
the oaks conspire
and Wolf retreats to his den
to hunt another day.
Death walks the trail alone.

In the stillness of the night
the bats respond in soundless flight.

In the glen the faeries play,
will-o-the-wisps and fireflies
providing a soft organic glow.
In tribute to fallen heroes
they gather this memorial eve.

In a solemn ring they dance,
on toadstool caps they leap and prance.

[bags123]

Hi Heinz,
I really liked the stage you set with this one. Very spooky imagery. For me anyway,...it almost seems like two different poems At the end of the third stanza, you write; "Death walks the trail alone". Then by the fifith stanza, you're writing about frolicing fairys etc.

In the glen the faeries play,
will-o-the-wisps and fireflies
providing a soft organic glow.
In tribute to fallen heroes
they gather this memorial eve.

In a solemn ring they dance,
on toadstool caps they leap and prance.

I liked both parts,...but IMHO they'd exist better as two separate pieces, that you might want to expand on alittle.

[bags123]

Unless they're evil kind of fairys. It could work if the fairys you're writing about were the evil kind,...but somehow I picture the good kind playing and frolicing amongst the fireflies. It's my understanding that fireflies don't particularly care for evil fairys. Just my two

[soular]

This is one I started a long time ago but never had the inspiration to finish, or maybe it is finished.
Your comments and suggestions are welcome.

Hi, Heinz. I can still see The Light in The Night as ever.
Not contradictory, as you may already know.

[heinzs]

Yes, the juxtaposition of dark and light, good and evil, beauty and ugliness is something you understand very well. Not contradictory at all. That's what I like about your own poetry.

[soular]

Thanks, Heinz. I often drown in the muddy water, and have to wait (sometimes it feels endless) to see it clear/cleared
but that seems when most learnt. I'm still breathing!