Empty Mannequin

WritingRose · Post by **WritingRose** » Tue Apr 19, 2011 3:19 pm

I stand In a glass room

Naked, propped up against a colorful banner

My formed figure pleasant to the sculptors eyes.
But never enough.

Pieces thrown on to cover the disgusting purity of my skin alone

The clothes and colors cover the dark and hollow space inside me

They present pictures of what should be and what would be
if not for the maggot infested blank cave that lay where blood and soul should stay.

Constantly changing on the outside, and yet forever empty on the inside

The glass room is filled with everything I, the mannequin, want.

But being that I have no human instinct as a man made form,
my hands will never feel a touch or be able to touch to feel.

sojourner · Post by **sojourner** » Wed Apr 20, 2011 7:43 am

I would try to really pare this one down.
Use less words for more impact.
Leave more to the imagination of the reader, letting his mind fill in the blanks.

And maybe leave the fact that this is a mannequin 'speaking' a mystery til the very end.

Topics I've started · Post by **heinzs** » Wed Apr 20, 2011 4:43 pm

The mannequin can't be both "naked" and covered with "clothes and colors". Perhaps that needs a little clarification.

I think you've got the germ of a good piece here, it just needs a little more work.

Post by **bags123** » Sat Apr 23, 2011 7:42 am

Yes,...good idea,...but needs alittle more work. I agree.

Post by **Jadynara** » Sat Apr 23, 2011 9:17 am

Bags.... You have got to be the least "harsh" critic I have ever met

Post by **bags123** » Mon Apr 25, 2011 4:40 am

Jadynara wrote:Bags.... You have got to be the least "harsh" critic I have ever met

I'm practicing my patience.

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