Days of Contention

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gordy
Windfall Prophet
Posts: 1463
Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2002 12:01 am
Location: HAMILTON OHIO

Days of Contention

Post by gordy » Mon Jan 10, 2011 3:28 pm

Days of Contention


Sometimes I’m left so very befuddled
Questions and answers both seem so muddled
Tears of rivers form filthy stagnant puddles
During the days (and the nights) of contention

Other times I’m so deeply dejected
Thoughts of regrets not left rejected
Fears like rivers congeal as dread’s collected
Poring through pains and frights I can’t mention

Still there are times I’m baffled and bewildered
Answers I question and thoughts unfiltered
Leave me reeling, off kilter feeling pilfered
During the days (and the nights) of contention
-----------------------------
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My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?

---Todd Agnew


Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword

---Gordy

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bags123
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Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2002 12:01 am
Location: Upstate

Re: Days of Contention

Post by bags123 » Tue Jan 11, 2011 4:16 am

An abrupt departure for you in this one G-man. I didn't think you had any contentions in life. I hate contentions,....they're so bothersome. Here's hoping they dispurse for you and the fam in 2011. :computer:
I prefer to keep an open mind,....but not so much that my brains fall out.- Carl Sagan
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart


Poet of the Month
March 2011

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gordy
Windfall Prophet
Posts: 1463
Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2002 12:01 am
Location: HAMILTON OHIO

Re: Days of Contention

Post by gordy » Tue Jan 11, 2011 12:20 pm

yeah , a rarity for me for sure...........so whatdya think is it any good? as i usually do , i started out strong and then couldnt figure out how to finish it and just hurried up in the end........does it show or ???
-----------------------------
Image

My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?

---Todd Agnew


Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword

---Gordy

User avatar
bags123
Insufferable Crouton
Posts: 4701
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2002 12:01 am
Location: Upstate

Re: Days of Contention

Post by bags123 » Tue Jan 11, 2011 12:31 pm

gordy wrote:yeah , a rarity for me for sure...........so whatdya think is it any good? as i usually do , i started out strong and then couldnt figure out how to finish it and just hurried up in the end........does it show or ???
Honestly,....it could use a little work on the meter. Also "befuddled" is kind of a tuff word to use to rhyme with,...muddled, puddled,....just sound too forced
and artificial. You've got a good framework here IMHO,...but you need better building materials. I'd play around with the meter, message, and rhyme scheme a bit more to see if you can get a better groove going. :cheers:
I prefer to keep an open mind,....but not so much that my brains fall out.- Carl Sagan
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart


Poet of the Month
March 2011

User avatar
gordy
Windfall Prophet
Posts: 1463
Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2002 12:01 am
Location: HAMILTON OHIO

Re: Days of Contention

Post by gordy » Tue Jan 11, 2011 5:39 pm

:thumbsup:
-----------------------------
Image

My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?

---Todd Agnew


Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword

---Gordy

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