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Submerged

Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 7:49 am
by bags123
Submerged

The site of Babylon has turned to dust
Coarse desert wind obliterates the names
Of kings who felt remembered for all time
Their ancient bones decayed, under the land

Where once her gardens hung upon the walls
And flowers filled the air with dense perfume
While caravans from places we forgot
Great Persia, Lebanon, or Samarkand.

Arrived through gates the Gods themselves designed
Well built in muddy brick, by human need
Before it was consumed by history
Submerged,… and buried deeply by the sand

Re: Submerged

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2011 5:48 pm
by Bruno
Well written! Somewhat reminiscent of Shelley's Ozymandias. Allot of people who may like older poetry don't like Shelley...but I'm not one of them. He just wasn't a nice guy. So what else is new.

Re: Submerged

Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2011 4:29 am
by bags123
Thanks Bruno. I"m more of a Byron kind of guy,....but I don't dislike Shelly. He was ahead of his time in many respects. :hello:

Re: Submerged

Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2011 10:19 am
by pencil pusher
I like this very much..it is very evocative and descriptive. There are however a couple of things which jumped out at me..
First one, just a nitpicky thing is 'course'.... i think, of course, you meant 'coarse'? :lol:
And secondly, just my take on it but to me 'Submerged' implies a watery theme? You may want to consider an adjective more relative to being buried? :2cents:

Otherwise, very nice! :thumbsup:

Re: Submerged

Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 4:37 pm
by bags123
pencil pusher wrote:I like this very much..it is very evocative and descriptive. There are however a couple of things which jumped out at me..
First one, just a nitpicky thing is 'course'.... i think, of course, you meant 'coarse'? :lol:
And secondly, just my take on it but to me 'Submerged' implies a watery theme? You may want to consider an adjective more relative to being buried? :2cents:

Otherwise, very nice! :thumbsup:
Why of course I meant coarse. :mrgreen: Thanks for catching that for me. As far as "submerged", I'll claim poetic license. :cheers:

Re: Submerged

Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 9:50 pm
by Jadynara
nicely written bags... a beautiful piece to come back and read... love the strong imagery and the way you let the memories drift away through the poem like the sand.

Re: Submerged

Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 4:08 am
by bags123
Thanks Jady. Welcome back. We've missed you're input. Hope you're feeling better. :hello: