Nothing's As It May Appear

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bags123
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Nothing's As It May Appear

Post by bags123 » Fri Aug 20, 2010 7:49 am

Nothing's As It May Appear


On a Sunday while walking I happened to see
what appeared to be someone once close friends with me
In the war he'd been blinded. Unseen through the years
It's so odd now that he would be here

I made my way slowly, down the street in the shade
Past the houses we'd lived in where he, and I played
I remained open minded, as I drew quite near
Very strange how he now could be here

I approached him in silence, but he seemed to know
that my step was familiar, and he said "Hello!"
"I can no longer see you, but isn't it queer
that I knew if I came you'd be here."

So we talked about times well remembered back when
we adventured as children, before we were men
Long ago when the world hadn't fostered such fear,....
so much better than it now appears

Though we laughed at those moments from memories lost
I could sense that his humor reflected the cost
Of a time gone forever, though he persevered,
and now nothing's as it once appeared

The next morning perusing the paper my way,
I would read of the death of my friend Saturday,
and Lord my confusion was instantly clear,
because nothing's as it may appear.
I prefer to keep an open mind,....but not so much that my brains fall out.- Carl Sagan
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart


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Jadynara
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Re: Nothing's As It May Appear

Post by Jadynara » Fri Aug 20, 2010 10:46 pm

For some reason this piece doesn't flow quite correctly when I read it. I am just not sure why or how to change it. Perhaps because I am so used to reading metered verse from your hand... I really like the concept of the piece though. :2cents:


Jady :computer:

Update - i think i figured it out.... the transition from 12 to 9 beats is hard to flow with. :thewave:
So we're lost, at least we've found each other. Take my hand, if we can't find our way out of the dark, we can make our own light. - Nicole M. Goretzke 2011

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bags123
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Re: Nothing's As It May Appear

Post by bags123 » Sat Aug 21, 2010 10:25 am

Thanks Jady. :computer:
I prefer to keep an open mind,....but not so much that my brains fall out.- Carl Sagan
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart


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heinzs
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Re: Nothing's As It May Appear

Post by heinzs » Sat Aug 21, 2010 12:24 pm

Actually I read this as strictly metered in feet of 4-4-4-3. There are some "allowances" for "grace notes" but it's very cohesive and an excellent example of Gerry's skill.

:thumbsup:
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Jadynara
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Re: Nothing's As It May Appear

Post by Jadynara » Sat Aug 21, 2010 1:28 pm

I agree I really like the piece, but I didn't read it like that until you mentioned it. I guess that's the thing about reading poetry rather than hearing it spoken. Going back and reading it differently, it flows more smoothly. Well done Bags! :bow:


Jady :computer:


P.S. I haven't really been in the poetry mind frame lately. I've got stories pouring out my ears! I believe it makes a difference when - as a writer - you're in a different frame of mind. Makes critiquing feel different.
So we're lost, at least we've found each other. Take my hand, if we can't find our way out of the dark, we can make our own light. - Nicole M. Goretzke 2011

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gordy
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Re: Nothing's As It May Appear

Post by gordy » Sat Aug 21, 2010 4:54 pm

Jadynara wrote:I agree I really like the piece, but I didn't read it like that until you mentioned it. I guess that's the thing about reading poetry rather than hearing it spoken. Going back and reading it differently, it flows more smoothly. Well done Bags! :bow:


Jady :computer:


P.S. I haven't really been in the poetry mind frame lately. I've got stories pouring out my ears! I believe it makes a difference when - as a writer - you're in a different frame of mind. Makes critiquing feel different.

thats a very good point! they are totally different and get you in a separate frame of mind completely


nice one bags
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Procrastination is his cohort
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bags123
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Re: Nothing's As It May Appear

Post by bags123 » Sun Aug 22, 2010 8:16 am

Thanks guys. May the force be with you all. Jah know. :hello:
I prefer to keep an open mind,....but not so much that my brains fall out.- Carl Sagan
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart


Poet of the Month
March 2011

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