Soft falls the rain on my soul

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BeeJay
Babbling Brook Poet
Posts: 355
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Tag line: A Future in Words
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Soft falls the rain on my soul

Post by BeeJay » Tue Jun 15, 2010 9:31 am

June 13, 2010

Soft falls the rain on my soul

Soft falls the rain on my soul
I feel not the water on my pores
Soaked , cold stones glisten
shadows in mime…waves behind glass
Floating high, a body below
Beckons For a moment
On a journey that has but one end
Loved, bereaved
A wake in progress
Life a moment of heavy breathing
Leaving - an eternity of wants
Time a passage where piers end
Capsuled tempests remain silent
Am I Dead or
Much still left to be said
Is something you must find out.

Baru Gobira 2010

PS: I made a few corrections since I first posted it.
If the Universe was a little smaller , I may just be able to reach out to you. Copyright © 2009 Baru Gobira

Jadynara
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Re: Soft falls the rain on my soul

Post by Jadynara » Sat Jul 24, 2010 12:13 am

First off let me jsut say that I find your work very interesting. You have a very spiritual feel to most of what you write which i normally don't take to. I wonder if it is the lack of christianity in your writing that intrigues me so. This is a wonderufl piece.... I identify with the rain on many levels - it is a great place to find peace. If I could offer one thing it would be to add 2... possibly 3 words to make it flow a little more smoothly when it's read.
Am I Dead or
Much still left to be said
Is something you must find out.
Am I dead or
Is there much still left to be said
That is something you must find out.

Wonderfully written! Thanks for sharing.

Jady :computer:
So we're lost, at least we've found each other. Take my hand, if we can't find our way out of the dark, we can make our own light. - Nicole M. Goretzke 2011

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BeeJay
Babbling Brook Poet
Posts: 355
Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 9:02 am
Tag line: A Future in Words
Location: Hyderabad India
Contact:

Re: Soft falls the rain on my soul

Post by BeeJay » Sat Jul 24, 2010 10:23 am

Thank you Jaydnara for the efforts you have taken and do accept my appreciation. Ive been reading the works of well known poets from many countries during the last few months. I must have subconsciously imbibed some of the variations and the line you have commented on could possibly have its origin form these readings. Your suggestion does have its merits. I'm not too sure that I would effect the change at this time frame. I must ponder more on effect, sound , symphony , flaw/flow or the visual element. I must admit I had reservations about the last line immediately on writing it. You are very perceptive. Thank you once again.---BeeJay
If the Universe was a little smaller , I may just be able to reach out to you. Copyright © 2009 Baru Gobira

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