The Talent

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dazedandconfused

The Talent

Post by dazedandconfused » Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:26 am

Hi, I am primarily a musician and only recently started writing poems. This one is more in prose poetry style I believe. I really want to improve my writing and appreciate critiques. Thanks so much for reading!


The Talent

I have a talent,
For falling in love with men who have their hands tied
I don’t do it on purpose.
But I fall slowly.
It always begins as friends.
We do things like two guy friends might do,
concerts, “grabbing a bite to eat”
spending a day in the park.
We pretend like there’s nothing between us.
“The girlfriend’s” name is never mentioned,
and somehow becomes forbidden to my tongue.
I wonder why?
What are they afraid of?
Does a name have so much power?
To summon her spirit and somehow “catch us in the act”
When the act is simply a cup of coffee or a game or cards?
I realize he feels bound a pseudo marriage,
and I don’t want to be “the other woman”
a home breaker,
or the crack in the foundation of a future home,
But every once in a while I’ll see that flicker in his eye,
That flicker of “what if?”
And then I start to wonder “what if” too?
The more contact the worse it gets.
My gaze becomes too long,
My thoughts too fond.
I fool myself for a while,
Trying to convince myself it’s nothing,
That everything is the same,
But I know my heart is in more in danger than his.
So I dive into my work,
Or find some other distraction;
Baby steps to break me from the addiction
I reconstruct the iron gates that guard my heart,
And scold myself for being so naïve.
But despite my hardened façade,
I get the unsteady feeling
that these unplanned affections can never be completely swept away.
They remain tiny stains in my heart
Surfacing when I least expect;
A canoe floating down a river,
A tram whizzing by,
A dandelion lazily playing in the wind
Bittersweet memories of unbegotten love.
Yes, I have a talent.
A talent to not forget
Yet it also is my curse.

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heinzs
The Fat Cat
Posts: 8396
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Re: The Talent

Post by heinzs » Wed Jun 17, 2009 7:03 pm

I like the free verse you've used here in this prosaic narrative. I'd consider breaking the longest lines, but it isn't a "necessity". These two lines had a problem:

'When the act is simply a cup of coffee or a game or cards?
I realize he feels bound a pseudo marriage,"

I think you meant "game of cards" and "bound in a pseudo marriage".

Otherwise no warts I can see on the first read through.

:thumbsup:
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