Empty Bottles

Come on in to give and receive critique, suggestions or help with work in progress or finished pieces. Any format welcome.

Moderator: bags123

Post Reply
User avatar
Proton C

Empty Bottles

Post by Proton C » Wed Jan 07, 2009 8:55 pm

This is a revised version of the poem "Cannonball". It was posted a few days ago in this forum. Upon revisiting, I realized I was not happy with what I posted at all. So I gave it another shot...here's what I came up with.

Once plump grapes,
now but sour wine.
Love plucked from the vine,
by necessities foolish hand.

Tongue-tart
Dizzy spells
Empty bottles
Sleeping pills

Left in the residual headache
of a bad hangover.

User avatar
heinzs
The Fat Cat
Posts: 8396
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
Tag line: Do no harm
Location: Novato, CA
Contact:

Re: Empty Bottles

Post by heinzs » Sat Jan 24, 2009 1:14 pm

I think this works very well. I find nothing to critique.

:thumbsup:
**************************************
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
Image
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started

PaulaSedai
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 17
Joined: Sat Jul 19, 2008 2:26 pm
Location: Lexington, KY
Contact:

Re: Empty Bottles

Post by PaulaSedai » Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:37 pm

This is nice! It's tidy...and it feels good to read it aloud. :mrgreen:

Post Reply

Return to “Workshop/Critiques Wanted”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests