unknown prayer

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wadley gurl
Clearwater Poet
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unknown prayer

Post by wadley gurl » Thu Dec 18, 2008 11:27 am

flashes in the night disappear like a blink of an eye.
words once spoken now held dear in a dying soul.
not a sound is made now as he lays on the cold unforgiven ground.
images of a little blonde with pigtail curls running after him
crying.a tear rolls off his cheek in a silent outburst of realization comes to mind that everyone will mourn over him.some will lose their sanity upon losing a friend...a brother....a husband.
with every ounce of his last strength,he prayed a silent prayer that his death will be avenged.
Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind
-Helena-
A Midsummer night's dream

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Jimi
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Location: Manchester England
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Re: unknown prayer

Post by Jimi » Mon Dec 29, 2008 12:24 pm

Hi wadley gurl

Just a couple of small points. In line three, you mention the "unforgiven ground". Do you actually mean that the ground has not been forgiven or that it is unforgiving?

Secondly, in line 5 the formatting disapears. Is this intentional? If so, I'd be interested to know why you chose to lay it out this way.

Thanks for the read and I look forward to reading more of your work.

Kind regards

Jimi
Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash.
(Leonard Cohen)

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wadley gurl
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 108
Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2008 11:19 am
Location: In my fiance's arms.....
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Re: unknown prayer

Post by wadley gurl » Sat Nov 28, 2009 11:01 am

well i meant that the ground no longer is safe like it betrayed the body by taking it in you get what i'm saying?
ty i'll be looking forward to reading yours too :hello:
Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind
-Helena-
A Midsummer night's dream

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Mightfall
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Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 11:19 pm
Location: Whitehorse, Yukon

Re: unknown prayer

Post by Mightfall » Wed Dec 09, 2009 10:36 pm

spoiled ground ?
blighted ground ?

I like where you're going, but that does stick out.

Thanks for sharing.
"You leapt into the abyss, but find, It only goes up to your knees"... Nick Cave

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