Poetry Pages

They call her Staten Island
Naked envy in their eyes
She calls me Verrazano
Bridge the gulf between her thighs

I call her Spanish Harlem
Brownstone beauty of the slums
Belleza de la calle
Something sinful this way comes

- HSWIV

Reminded me that there are some damn fine looking Puerto Rican women out there. Liked the urban flavor of this one Crooklyn. Chevarez!

Thanks guys. And Bags, yeah, walking around Manhattan and Brooklyn in the summer is always a nice treat for the eyes.

I'd still really appreciate some constructive criticism.

Crooklyn wrote:I'd still really appreciate some constructive criticism.

Hi Crooklyn

I have some input.

This is a fine little poem, compact and effective.,

Only one thing, Verrazano doesn't mean anything to me ? I looked it up.


I think the reason you're not getting any response to your request for critique is that there are no changes to be made to make the poem flow better, mean more, to refine your point etc.

Thanks so much man for the response. The Verrazano bridge is a HUGE bridge in NY, it was the longest bridge in the world for many years.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verrazano-Narrows_Bridge

heinzs wrote:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verrazano-Narrows_Bridge

Yup, it meant something to me after I looked it up. I was just commenting, certainly not a criticism.

when I found out what it meant I smiled.

This is great.

I liked it, too. Couldn't find anything in it that I'd change.

While this is very nice the way it is, I, personally thought it would make an excellent longer poem. Do you have anything more you could add to it? hugs, catie :)