She calls me Verrazano

Crooklyn · Post by **Crooklyn** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 12:28 pm

They call her Staten Island
Naked envy in their eyes
She calls me Verrazano
Bridge the gulf between her thighs

I call her Spanish Harlem
Brownstone beauty of the slums
Belleza de la calle
Something sinful this way comes

- HSWIV

Topics I've started · Post by **heinzs** » Fri Jun 27, 2008 6:43 pm

Post by **bags123** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:05 pm

Reminded me that there are some damn fine looking Puerto Rican women out there. Liked the urban flavor of this one Crooklyn. Chevarez!

Crooklyn · Post by **Crooklyn** » Thu Jul 31, 2008 11:28 am

Thanks guys. And Bags, yeah, walking around Manhattan and Brooklyn in the summer is always a nice treat for the eyes.

Crooklyn · Post by **Crooklyn** » Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:35 pm

I'd still really appreciate some constructive criticism.

Mightfall · Post by **Mightfall** » Tue Aug 28, 2012 10:40 pm

Crooklyn wrote:I'd still really appreciate some constructive criticism.

Hi Crooklyn

I have some input.

This is a fine little poem, compact and effective.,

Only one thing, Verrazano doesn't mean anything to me ? I looked it up.

I think the reason you're not getting any response to your request for critique is that there are no changes to be made to make the poem flow better, mean more, to refine your point etc.

Crooklyn · Post by **Crooklyn** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 2:39 am

Thanks so much man for the response. The Verrazano bridge is a HUGE bridge in NY, it was the longest bridge in the world for many years.

Topics I've started · Post by **heinzs** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 10:21 am

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verrazano-Narrows_Bridge

Mightfall · Post by **Mightfall** » Mon Sep 17, 2012 6:21 am

heinzs wrote:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verrazano-Narrows_Bridge

Yup, it meant something to me after I looked it up. I was just commenting, certainly not a criticism.

when I found out what it meant I smiled.

This is great.

Topics I've started · Post by **heinzs** » Mon Sep 17, 2012 11:39 am

I liked it, too. Couldn't find anything in it that I'd change.

CatieRose · Post by **CatieRose** » Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:19 am

While this is very nice the way it is, I, personally thought it would make an excellent longer poem. Do you have anything more you could add to it? hugs, catie :)

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