pursuing happiness{ please read, i need input here!!}

Come on in to give and receive critique, suggestions or help with work in progress or finished pieces. Any format welcome.

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psychotic pretender
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Re: pursuing happiness{ please read, i need input here!!}

Post by psychotic pretender » Wed Jan 30, 2008 5:23 pm

anyone else like to take a look???

if not

im gonna move it to the general forum tonight before i go to bed

if anyone thinks it still needs work PLEASE speak up

and thanks to everyone who already has!!!!
/My first thought was, he lied in every word,
That hoary cripple, with malicious eye
....
......................................
...... And yet
Dauntless the slug-horn to my lips I set,
And blew. ``Childe Roland to the Dark Tower came.''

Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came

Robert Browning 1812-1889

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Blue Tiger

Re: pursuing happiness{ please read, i need input here!!}

Post by Blue Tiger » Wed Jan 30, 2008 7:05 pm

You could take this further in a sense because this 'search' never ends. Everytime you reach a hilltop....you'll see another stretch of "Forever" beckoning to you.

(That's why the endings of mine are always so stilted)

But....you opened Pandora's box in this poem and ended it neatly. That counts lots.

Good read, good write but, even more important, great ride. :cheers: :book: Write a collection of these and the drinks and your book would be great in winter with lots of snow. (yeah, any other season....but something about reading your imagination's wanderings in winter.....)

Speaking of:

How do you make anti freeze? Answer below.
















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psychotic pretender
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Re: pursuing happiness{ please read, i need input here!!}

Post by psychotic pretender » Wed Jan 30, 2008 7:07 pm

:lol:

heehee

and thanks much

guess im agonna stick this 'un into the general forum now

i cant seem to make it do anything else

thanks everyone who commented
/My first thought was, he lied in every word,
That hoary cripple, with malicious eye
....
......................................
...... And yet
Dauntless the slug-horn to my lips I set,
And blew. ``Childe Roland to the Dark Tower came.''

Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came

Robert Browning 1812-1889

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bags123
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Re: pursuing happiness{ please read, i need input here!!}

Post by bags123 » Tue Feb 05, 2008 7:10 am

Hi PP,
I'm not much of a critic regarding other peoples poetry. I will however comment on the message behind your piece, and say that I agree whole heartedly. We spend too much time aquiring things,..... and not nearly enough time enjoying what has already been given to us. Personally,.... I believe the early Christian movement, and message had as much to do with societal evolution as it did with spiritual development. Furthermore,.... I don't think one is possible on a large scale without the other. Very thoughtful piece PP. Thanks for writing it. :book: :cheers:
I prefer to keep an open mind,....but not so much that my brains fall out.- Carl Sagan
Your brain is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open- Someone Smart


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March 2011

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psychotic pretender
Mistress of Shadows
Posts: 476
Joined: Sat Dec 15, 2007 11:59 am
Location: wadley alabama
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Re: pursuing happiness{ please read, i need input here!!}

Post by psychotic pretender » Tue Feb 05, 2008 7:29 am

glad you enjoyed bags

thanks much
/My first thought was, he lied in every word,
That hoary cripple, with malicious eye
....
......................................
...... And yet
Dauntless the slug-horn to my lips I set,
And blew. ``Childe Roland to the Dark Tower came.''

Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came

Robert Browning 1812-1889

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Eric
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Re: pursuing happiness{ please read, i need input here!!}

Post by Eric » Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:01 pm

psychotic pretender: So you know I liked it the first time around! good write good read! :thumbsup: :cheers:
***Poetry Pages Poet of the Month June 2012***
Author Award winning Blizzards of Thought A Book of Reflection March 2011 http://www.blizzardsofthought.com/Image

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heinzs
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Re: pursuing happiness{ please read, i need input here!!}

Post by heinzs » Sun Jun 10, 2012 12:12 am

Always amazing what wonderful pieces one can find in the "back pages"... lol. Thanks for refreshing this one, Eric.

:hello:
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Eric
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Re: pursuing happiness{ please read, i need input here!!}

Post by Eric » Wed Jun 13, 2012 4:15 pm

:thumbsup: :wink: :mrgreen:
***Poetry Pages Poet of the Month June 2012***
Author Award winning Blizzards of Thought A Book of Reflection March 2011 http://www.blizzardsofthought.com/Image

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