pursuing happiness{ please read, i need input here!!}

[psychotic pretender]

i would like some help here please

this does not seem to be complete

something is missing

suggestions please
______________________________________________________--

do you remember
how you would chase
dreams as a child
that single minded pursuit
of something to make you happy
then you discarded it once you had it
tossed it to the side like yesterdays trash

we don’t evolve much
our dreams just become schemes
we plot and connive
committing deeds so underhanded
just to toss aside that acquisition
that we slit throats for

why don’t we learn
to like what we have
we are never happy
with “the bird in the hand”
but constantly chase the “two in the bush”
knowing they will fly away

the pursuit of happiness
seems to mean more
than happiness itself

[heinzs]

suggestion:

do you remember
chasing dreams as a child?
a single minded pursuit
of something to make you happy
to be discarded once you had it,
tossed aside like yesterday's trash

we don’t evolve much
our dreams become schemes
we plot and connive
committing underhanded deeds
and throw away that acquisition
that we slit throats for

why don’t we learn
to like what we have?
we are never happy
with “the bird in the hand”
but constantly chase the “two in the bush”
knowing they will fly away

the pursuit is the end unto itself
happiness cannot be captured
or detained

not sure about the ending yet... perhaps other permutations?

[gordy]

How bout this?


Do You Remember

do you remember
how you would chase
dreams
as a child
that single-minded pursuit
of happiness
discarded once in hand
tossed aside like
a pair of frightened birds

we don’t evolve much
our dreams just become schemes
we plot and connive(sic?)
committing deeds so underhanded
just to toss aside that for
which we murderously strive

why don’t we learn
to like what we have
we are never happy
with “the bird in the hand”
but constantly chase the “two in the bush”
knowing they will fly away

the pursuit of happiness
seems to mean more
than happiness itself,
do you remember?

[psychotic pretender]

hhmmmm.....

i like a little of each of those ideas, boys

i think im gonna play with it a little tonight and see what happens

thanks guys!!!

i am very grateful!!!

[gordy]

well im glad we could help.........i have since found out that you spelled connive correct (i thought it was spelled conive...silly me) also i didnt realize last night that you had a title.....so i picked one for ya nad now i feel like a goofus

[psychotic pretender]

gordy the goofus

.... sorry that struck my funny bone

[psychotic pretender]

how does this sound yall?
_________________________

do you remember
chasing dreams as a child
that single minded pursuit
of something to make you happy
discarded once in hand
tossed aside like yesterdays trash

we don’t evolve much
our dreams become schemes
we plot and connive
commiting underhanded deeds
just to toss aside that acquisition
for which we so murderously strive


why don’t we learn
to like what we have
we are never happy
with “the bird in the hand”
but constantly chase the “two in the bush”
knowing they will fly away

the pursuit of happiness
is just that
a pursuit
but chasing happiness does not mean
it can be captured or detained
nor can you expect
happiness to remain
the pursuit is the end unto itself

[gordy]

COOL

[psychotic pretender]

well i guess im gonna put this into a forum in a little while

this is about all i can manage

problem is i dont know where to stick it

any ideas?

[snorple]

The poem is ok as far as it goes, but is it a serious question? I assume it is, and it may be a noble question , it would mean wars would not happen because of 'Empire Building' or 'Spheres of Interest' it would mean communal living with no one wanting to be better than the next guy. And it certainly reflects Jesus' commandment to have no thought for the morrow. In other word be content with what you have, don't be ruled by anxiety and unnatural desire or covetness.

In many way it would be an ideal community to live in, with peace and harmony, but it would also mean there would be no driving force for change, no drive for betterment since there would be no competition in the market place. And ultimately in the long term that could be bad thing, but as your poem points out it could be an ideal thing as well as long as we are willing to die at the appointed time because no cures have been found (Market forces drive the Pharmecetical companies to discover new treatments or they may go out of business. Education may very well remain flat as there is no need for so many people to be educated. Inventions would not be invented because there would be little competition, people being happy with the current model.

All these things happened in communist Russia and their economy stagnated in the end, it could not compete with world markets for any of its goods. It happened in the UK to a certain extent under socialist governments. Nationalised industries (state owned industries) got broke on a regular basis because workers would not work hard.

It happens in the natural world as well, wolves are savage animals and will kill the weak, and the infirm; the aged, and the injured members of a herd but in doing so the health of the herd as a whole is improved. Only the fittest and the most active will mate and produce offspring, the vitality of the herd is kept at an optimum.

It is a thought provoking poem because it highlights the fact that children are very active in play and ownership, my toy, my teddy, my chair, and yet are willing to share at times too. Children do love to collect 'Things' a form of empire building, sometimes useless things. Children love to copy parents, they love to learn and want to be grown up too soon. That's the time before they turn on parents for being dumb. Children do cast away things when they have outgrown them, same as we do, children are following their natures, it's all part of live's rich tapestry. Without that drive would an artist slave over his work for a half century trying to bring it to perfection with the stroke of a brush and the mixture of paints on canvas?

In the end we all have to decide what we want to in life, I am looking back in my mind to Africa. I saw so many poor but happy people there. but the poverty was grinding, and if one got ill one could die in agony without proper care and medicine, things we take for granted in the west. The poorest people in Africa own very little. The Hottentots of South Africa and yet they led a hard brutal and short life, they seem happy I must dmit. How many of us would settle for a hunter gatherer life at 60+, not many I suppose.

When you think how complex our society is and how many strata of ability there are we must admit it is an amazing accomplishment. In the western world we seem to have the best of everything, and yet I see in the poem a longing for that spiritual peace and I think that is part of human nature too. That thankfulness for what we have from our maker, that willingness to put time aside to think of Him and to thank Him for all we have, and the willingness to help others.

regards

snorple

how does this sound yall?
_________________________

do you remember
chasing dreams as a child
that single minded pursuit
of something to make you happy
discarded once in hand
then tossing it aside
like yesterdays trash

we don’t evolve much
our dreams become schemes
we plot and connive
commiting underhanded deeds
just to toss aside that acquisition
for which we so murderously strive


why don’t we learn
to like what we have
we are never happy
with “the bird in the hand”
but constantly chase the “two in the bush”
knowing they will fly away

the pursuit of happiness
is just that
a pursuit
but chasing happiness does not mean
it can be captured or detained
nor can you expect
happiness to remain
the pursuit is the end unto itself

[psychotic pretender]

snorple

did you major in philosphy?

wow

and yes

it is a real question up to a point

small scale point

but a point none the less

and im glad you liked it

at least i think you liked

still not quite sure

better read your reply agian



thanks

[heinzs]

In stanza one and two your version repeats "tossed aside". There are ample synonyms for that action so you don't need to be redundant.

[psychotic pretender]

ok

ill try to fix it

thanks much heinzs!!!

[psychotic pretender]

how is this heinzs?
____________________________________________

do you remember
chasing dreams as a child
that single minded pursuit
of something to make you happy
discarded once in hand
tossed aside like yesterdays trash

we don’t evolve much
our dreams become schemes
we plot and connive
commiting underhanded deeds
just to relinquish that acquisition
for which we so murderously strive


why don’t we learn
to like what we have
we are never happy
with “the bird in the hand”
but constantly chase the “two in the bush”
knowing they will fly away

the pursuit of happiness
is just that
a pursuit
but chasing happiness does not mean
it can be captured or detained
nor can you expect
happiness to remain
the pursuit is the end unto itself

[snorple]

I tried to study philosophy once, but I kept forgetting what the terms meant and so I had to go look up the terms and then forgot why I was looking it up. It became an endless diversion and eventually i lay the book down to watch tv. My wife would often ask ,

'Nice book, darling.' but I would pretend not to hear rather than admit if was perplexed that anyone in their right mind could ask some of the philosophical questions that these philosopers were asking. Persoanlly, having met one, I thing one has to be nuts to be interested in the subject, but it helps to be nuts. Now that i've said that, I feel the emust be some philosophers reading this as i type.

I liked the second edit, except the last stanza which seemed a little truncated, cut off, hurried even. To do justice to the questions you ask i think it is more about balance, I think you could sum up and mention that busy is ok and relaxed is ok but we need balance in our lives. Children are balanced when they sleep, that's why we work so hard for them, and love them so much, they wear themselves out living live to the full.

But you do raise a valid point, to be busy all the time like some American businessman and only business is not living at all. Even pual getty found time to enjoy the plesures in life, and didn't he make up for lost time in those activities too.

regards

ieaun