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Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 4:59 am
by Friend_forever
It’s like walking barefoot on thorns
With your abuse and your scorns
Like bleeding petals of roses
You tear open my many bruises

Your hand that I so loved to hold
Now feels so empty and cold
Living with unpredictable emotions
Your love gives me many mutilations

Hurting your girl because you just couldn’t see
The tears shining in my eyes were so full of plea
He said he loved me so deeply
So much that he can’t bear others to see my beauty
So he kept on disfiguring me.

He hit me with sharp needles and knives
The blue-purple bruises on my thighs tell their own narratives
The gashes across my face are sufficient confirmation
Of his immense jealousy and violent over-possession

He gives me new bruises daily
As evidence of his love for me
He just can’t see anybody
Staring at his little property…

Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 5:06 am
by Friend_forever
Hey Critiquers...

I have this friend of mine, and she is now going through a rough time with her husband and he really abuses her (I have seen the bruises...) and She loves him too much to say goodbye... just yet...

I wanted to portray the feelings in here - you know... like even though he hurts me this much, I cant let him go or see his pain... so I take it all...

So... Uh... Please help... I am not there yet with this write but its a start, isnt it?

Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 8:50 am
by richie
Friend I’m so sorry people like this need help they need To understand you can’t treat those whom you may love Like this I’m sorry I just can’t do personal critiques like This I just may put a word in that upsets rather than helps I’m sorry truly

Best of luck

richie :thumbsup: :hello:

Re: Abuse

Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:04 pm
by Jadynara
being a woman who has lived this and found the courage to walk away, this piece slammed home for me. i have a few changes i would make but overall this is very good work.

it's like walking barefoot on thorns
your abuse and your scorn
like bleeding petals of roses
you tear open my fragile heart

your hand that i so loved to hold
now feels so empty and cold
living in your erratic emotions
your love leaves me battered and broken

hurting me because you just can't see
the tears shining in my eyes so full of plea
begging simply for your love
you respond with a shove

you say you love me so deeply
so much no other should see me
and so you try to hide my beauty
while you pretend this is my duty

you lash out with
needles and knives
blue-purple bruises
rest on my thighs

a gash on my face
shows only a trace
of your violent jealousy
and possessive tendency

you give me new bruises constantly
more evidence of your love for me
you just can't handle anybody
staring at your property...

Re: Abuse

Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 1:49 am
by Jadynara
i just read through this again and realized you wrote it 4 years ago. hopefully your friend is safe now and i hope i didnt step on any toes with the changes i would make... as i said before i have lived it and my experiences greatly shaped my thinking in regards to the piece. thank you for sharing this.