First Draft: Inspire Me

[heinzs]

Inspire Me
(asyndeton)

Inspire me, O' Muse -
take me on that
magic carpet ride
beyond Neverland -
two million parsecs
through the black hole's maw.

My toes ache for black sand
warmed by Sun's flame
cooled by crystal sea
while rainbow parrots flash
between palms.

Idyllic Eden
inspiration's source
buried somewhere in the mind
without connection to reality
yet more real than life
to the poetic soul.

6.30.05
HeinzS

[Richard taylor]

I think this is one of the best write's i'v read from you heinzs, its excellent.
I can't find fault with the struture, the imagery conveyed is splended.
richard

[heinzs]

[the poet T]

Hi Heinz

Its a mighty fine write. Why look for flaws.


Love T

[heinzs]

I thought it was a bit disjointed...

[preston]

I agree with you
The first stanza doesn't quite mesh with the rest of the poem

The image of a journey through a black hole ... an act of total annihilation ... to get to an
Idyllic Eden doesn't work

I can't come up with anything specific, but the getting from here to there needs to be some different line of travel

[heinzs]

I've tried several variations, but the old Muse keeps coming back to this one. Somehow it's the mental journey, the purely imaginary trek that wants to be emhasized... not a physical reality in any part of it.

Thanks Pres.

[preston]

I've made several attempts to portray the feeling one might have, standing at the edge of the
event horizon and staring down into the void ... imagining some utopian non-reality waiting on
the other side

... never had any success though

[heinzs]