New Version Of "PonyTail"

[Floetry Spades]

Earth is a poem
with verses that cascade through color
stanzas that grow ridged by sun
speechless beauty,that can only be described
with a sigh

Earth is a fairy-Tale
and I hope the forever will last
for I,am in love with the beast
because beauty wasn't natural enough for me

The sun's gaze is pulling me by ponytail
so let light lead....
me away....
closer to God's good grace

Earth is a cold sing-along-song
shivering in shimmerence,around an Indian beautific breeze
surcomming to the rhythm
as it oozes through melody

April showers cleanse us with radiance
a thorned object spurs from the dirt
the moonlight wraps around blue fingertips
rubber-bands wove the fabric of my braids

it all....let's me know I'm alive...

[Pardoe]

Make sure to keep spacing between a comma and the next word.

Sample

beauty,that = beauty,(space here) that = beauty, that for an example

[Richard taylor]

I'll come back to this later
richard

[heinzs]

It is sad that Richard will not be able to fulfill his promise. I've bumped this to see if anyone can come up with some constructive responses to this piece. I think it has a great deal of potential.

[Mightfall]

It is sad that Richard will not be able to fulfill his promise. I've bumped this to see if anyone can come up with some constructive responses to this piece. I think it has a great deal of potential.

So totally just some thoughts, maybe helpful maybe not. I'm no expert on form or much of anything poetry related.

This is a great concept and almost there, but I really feel it needs a strong closing line or stanza, a punch of imagery or meaning, mainly I am commenting hoping that all of us, including you, can re-examine this together cause it's such a cool idea.

Earth is a poem
with verses that cascade through color
stanzas that grow ridged by sun
^something about this line, hmmmm help from the crowd ?

speechless beauty,that can only be described
with a sigh

Earth is a fairy-Tale
and I hope the forever will last
^starting the sentence with and weakens the imagery/metaphor
maybe "I hope ever-after will last" ? or somethiong

for I,am in love with the beast
because beauty wasn't natural enough for me

The sun's gaze is pulling me by ponytail
so let light lead....
me away....
closer to God's good grace

Earth is a cold sing-along-song
^ cold insert word sing-along song maybe ?

shivering in shimmerence,around an Indian beautific breeze
surcomming to the rhythm
as it oozes through melody

April showers cleanse us with radiance
a thorned object spurs from the dirt
the moonlight wraps around blue fingertips
rubber-bands wove the fabric of my braids